Laughter?it heals and every time i get angry,laughter helps me get through...if you ain't laughing,you are in trouble!
''Hello Stella, 1st I must commend your effort on giving people hope and letting them know all will be well no matter what.
Down to my issue, my wedding is in November but right now I'm not sure I know the man I'm about to call husband. I finished my masters in April and moved down to Nigeria thinking seeing him physically will end all the fights we used to have over Skype and over the phone but my dear it only got worse.
His mum wants to plan my wedding and control everything even up to the pant I wear, and the worse part is he doesn't see anything wrong in it. His sister will say all sorts if I don't call her in a week, Infact out of forming sister inlaw I took her along for one of my shopping for the wedding only to get a call from her brother that she said I'm spending too much.
Now down to him, the only time I get to see his smile the most is when we want to make love or when he wants to ask for a favour. I used to think that was just his nature since he has a military father until his friend and his girlfriend came to spend a few days with us in Lagos, and since he was on leave I decided to spend some few days with him as well.
Stella you need to see the way he relates with this girl, they laugh and watch TV together, he even went to get series for the both of them, and left me in the room alone while her boyfriend was out for an interview, at first I didn't know he was home until I heard him laugh.
I later asked him what was so special about the girl or what she did so I could learn and make a better wife and there I got the shocker of my life, he said its bad for a man to be too playful with his wife, that she will never respect him, that he will never let me lack material things but I will be asking for too much if I tell him to be playful with me.
I cried out my eyes that night, would u believe he told them that I was having migraine and he doesn't want to disturb me, so they all left to the club without me, I woke up around 2am and didn't see anyone in the house only to find his shirt and boxers in the sitting room, meaning he changed in the sitting room so I don't wake up.
Stella this is only little out of the plenty things I'm made to face, I feel very reluctant to call off the whole thing because of my family, the preparations they have made is just out of this world. I don't know if I should just tell my parents or I should just keep fasting and praying and hope all will turn out well.
Please if there's anyone that has ever called off a wedding please and please advise me. Married women as well advice me how you cope, maybe I'm just been a child about it.
Thanks Stella God bless you.''
*Honey the pic underneath is how it should be.....laughter will see you through the storm when it comes.
O di egwu.
ReplyDeleteNa hunger strike you wan do so! God has given us brains, let's use it and stop calling on him 24 hours a day for things we can resolve by thinking. My dear, it is hard but run as safest as your legs can carry. A lifetime of unhappiness is not worth it. Don't play with your wife? Na wa o! Who will you play with.
DeleteYou're not comfortable in this relationship so why go on to marry him? I can't imagine any association or friendship without a bit of laughter, it's gonna be so cold and boring. I would hv said talk to him about it but he already has a set mindset concerning that so the ball is in your court now. I can't tell you to leave him but if I am you I won't continue with him. In whatever you choose to do just know that you can't change him after marriage if that's your plan. We have just 1 life to live, make it fun!
DeleteC don't call it off u never can tell love grows some day he'll realize how special u are he's just playing bachelor' u just have to understand him and follow him just the way he is and let me tell you, you are the cus of your happiness don't let anyone take that away from you. Some marriages started sweet and ended up sour the best comes unexpectedly so my dear just be you don't try to please anyone . As for me I don't believe in love so in whatever situation I find my self in have decided am responsible for my own happiness Life's too short so whatever it gives to you try to make positive out of it. GOODLUCK
DeleteActually, I have always told a female friend of mine that one of the major problem women have is that "women don't know what they want". And that's the reason why most women face all sorts of problems ranging from violent, abuse and rejection in marriage .They tell you they want a husband with all the good qualities of life, but you will always still find them with men that lack these qualities, and yet they will stay with the man, all in the name of love and praying and hoping that he will change. And many a time, women see danger signs of the men they intend to marry but still goes ahead to marry this man. May that never be your portion
DeleteActually madam, its better to end that relationship now, because it will become more difficult to divorce after marriage most especially when children becomes involved and really divorce is not good, because you wouldn't want to raise a child in a broken marriage as a single parent. Please for goodness sake, for your happiness, for posterity sake, Quit that marriage, you should be counting yourself lucky that you saw these signs before marriage
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Call of the wedding jor... what is one day of groove compared to years of unhappiness. The boy is an insincere idiot. Let him marry the girlfriend and see if he will not stay the same.
DeleteYou met him on social media/match making and came back from wherever and start wedding plans? That's what ur write-up says to me.
DeleteAnyway, ur man has ego issues and doesn't really love you. He just wanted a wife, and nothing more. That gf of his, is going to cause a lot of troubles in ur home when you eventually marry him, we know their type.
I like ur courage, u ain't bent on making ursef a by force Mrs. Just tell ur family members you want to put d wedding plans on hold for now, tell ur man as well, tell him you had a terrible dream and ur Pastor advised there's a need to fast and pray. And that you guys need to slow down on d plans for now and concentrate on clearing all obstacles.
While at it, let him know ur ideal man, but do not point it all out to him cos he might pretend to be what u want him to be, just so he could marry you asap only for him to unleash his monstrous acts after d wedding.
The waiting period is for you to know yourselves more, make friends with eachother, I bet there are lots of things you still need to know about him and him you. Take your time my dear, Goodluck!
Hmmn...dnt knw wat to say. My husband was like dis wen we started dating...bt he was naturally like dt cos of his upbringn ...no smiles , no unnecessary jokes...no talkin too much...meanwhile everyone in my own house cld pass for a comedian. ..we even talk too much sef.
DeleteIt took years of complaints n makin him see d funny side of d jokes...
Then he changed...now he laffs too much...everytin I say is funny to him...before I even say it...he has started laffing...he makes more jokes dan me now...
It took yrs bt we got der...and each time he laffs now...ders ds way it lifts my soul up n I look in his eyes...I see happiness frm within...n I also see al d hardwork I put in n I feel victorious...like stella said...thats aw it shld b...like 2 clowns living in a room.
Back to ur matter...u guys avnt knwn urselves...n u def av nt reach dt point where marriage shld b featuring...bf n gf bcoms fiance nt at d time of proposal bt at dt point where u av both reached a neutral point n various aspects of ur lives together...
Discuss wt him first. ..let him knw u r thinkn of postponing d marriage...u can involve elderly ppl or ur parents...u guys def stl need more active n purposeful courtin...
Sort it out b4 u say 'I do' ...bcos den it wl b unfair of u to expect any changes frm him...
God help u my dear...bt pls dnt go into dt marriage b4 sortin dis out.
Cheers
U girlz come here crying fire and brimestone looking for answers wen u know d answer already. Respect urself, put ur ego aside and talk to ur parents, after then call it off. Don't let ur parents talk u into going on, dey aint d pple suffering this and Dey won't be the ones to suffer d big shit after marriage. So sweetheart call it off and move ahead, a beta guy will come biko.....#alinko
DeleteThis poster is a real drama queen,I dont believe a word in ur write-up.
DeleteU ve a mil who is willing to go out of her to take y shopping,a husband that provides and u are here lamenting.
U cried ur eyes out for what???ur problem is that u are too needy,clingy and also boring.
U will always ve d same problem if u do not address this part u cos I can see u are pessimistic in nature.
Poster that girl that visited isn't his friend's girlfriend. I have a feeling that she's his girlfriend. How on earth can someone be happy elsewhere an not with his life partner? Its absurd.
DeleteDon't you have family members,siblings? The should be able to help you through this. Don't let anyone steal your joy for the rest of your life o! Its not worth it.
Poster, Pele dear! Pls, don't give up on him yet. But pause the wedding for now. U both need serious WORK!
DeletePls, stop swallowing ur own desires. Start speaking up nicely n politely. U guys don't know urself yet. And pls, stop tryn too hard to please his family! It's not worth it.
Prepare ur mind for d worst and build ur self esteem well. Most'f all, seek God's direction. If he truly loves u, he'll adjust. He is a confused man and wallowing in complex. All the best!
Not easy, but my darlyn, take a walk else you would be miserable. What's money compared to a life time of misery? The writing is on the wall. Use ur tongue to count your teeth. 10,0000 broken rships is better than a broken marriage.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I wish I could turn back d hands of time and be back in Ur shoes, I have been there and I didn't call off d wedding, that was d biggest mistake of my life, I should have just called it off. I can't talk much about it. D decision is urs and u are in it alone. I mean just you
DeleteI called off a wedding in 2005 because of:
Delete1)domestic violence.....physically, mentally and emotionally. You cannot imagine.
2) utmost disregard and disrespect from him
3) destructive relationship
4) wandering pen** syndrome
5) hate from his siblings as they were all single...no stable relationship and doing runs.
I was young, excited and Impressionable, thus I went ahead with the introduction thinking things would get better, they only got worse.
I know that till date my parents are still not over it, but it is what it is. I refused to die young and I don't regret walking away.
Please, I beg of you if you don't feel any joy in the relationship, its not going to change in marriage.
The worst feeling is being stuck in something you could've avoided getting into in the first place.
Mutual respect is very important in any sort of human relations.
Take care.
I called off a wedding in 2005 because of:
Delete1)domestic violence.....physically, mentally and emotionally. You cannot imagine.
2) utmost disregard and disrespect from him
3) destructive relationship
4) wandering pen** syndrome
5) hate from his siblings as they were all single...no stable relationship and doing runs.
I was young, excited and Impressionable, thus I went ahead with the introduction thinking things would get better, they only got worse.
I know that till date my parents are still not over it, but it is what it is. I refused to die young and I don't regret walking away.
Please, I beg of you if you don't feel any joy in the relationship, its not going to change in marriage.
The worst feeling is being stuck in something you could've avoided getting into in the first place.
Mutual respect is very important in any sort of human relations.
Take care.
I called off my wedding last year december..I am glad I did.
DeleteLaughter will not see her through the storm Stella,tell her the truth in plain English,my dear think long and hard about what you are about to do because the minute you say I do that's it! Besides its almost impossible to change people once they are set in their ways..do you want to be a wife or a maid? Ask yourself this question and then decide..
ReplyDeleteSigned
Queen Gelis..the queen witout a crown..wey that my fav anon sef? Lol.
Babes,if he is not making you happy now that you are not married to him,,then dont expect any thing better when you eventually get married. Dont ever think he will change in marriage.you are even lucky he didnt hide his beliefs from you.Will you break up with him now and find someone who will make you happy OR go ahead with d wedding plans and live d rest of ur life been unhappy?You are thinking of what people will say,,the plans ur family has made for that one day....right???Remember,,they are only preparing for ur WEDDING WHICH WILL ONLY LAST ONE DAY but u are preparing for MARRIAGE WHICH IS A LIFE TIME COMMITMENT.its better u go thru d pains of break up now which will heal in no time and save urself from the pains of an unhappy marriage that may leave you shattered and broken for life.the CHOICE is yours!!!
DeleteDear poster call it off now that too much deeds ve not bn done o to avoid stories that touch. Laughter will see u thru when d storms of life /marriage comes o. I and hubby can't stay without playing, laughing and jokes o in fact it's in our blood. Some of my neighbors find it difficult to believe he s my hubby expect I tell dem. That's how it supposed to be dear. Good luck.
DeleteThis is scary.2d poster,i may nt knw much bt i do knw dt u are getting married to a stranger.sit hm down n talk wd hm,spk wd ur mum too
ReplyDeleteU cnt change a grown ass man unles on hs own volition.if u tink u cn put up wd hs attitude til death do u part then u cn proceed wd ur wedding.i pray God gvs u wisdm in this
ReplyDeleteBlog analyser: my sister if you can't take it take a walk oooo. I play with my husband a lot. I mean it is a Vital ingredient in a relationship.
Delete1st you must understand that d way a guy relates with his frnds differ frm the way e does with a lover.
ReplyDeleteIt is never the same.
Since u think u av doubts,
Mayb u shld delay the wedding and watch wat apens.
Don't say bcos of the families involved or bcos u want to avoid any sort of embarassment.
U are the one wu wld experience wat the marriage is after the wedding.
Learn to love ursef 1st, and make sure he is the 1, b4 u say I do. #goodluck!
D problem is with her.she might be a snubbish person,does not like her fiancé friends,etc etc....
DeleteU know how these girls with fancy education from abroad behave,they always feel puffed up as if they remain for house.
poster,cut ur guy some slack,drop ur phoney accent,eat eba with ur bare hands,u can stop holding that fart,stop with d pretenses,only then can u stop living.
My dear he will neva change Bcos he's a mummy boy an probably it's he's mum dat told him neva to play wit U,d earlier the beta stop playing an laughing wit any of them an just b answering them yes,no an ok an see how it goes!!my friend called off her wedding a week to....so it's neva too late but it's up to you
ReplyDeleteOsalinda
What type of human being won't smile with his wife to be,what is the age difference aswell ?Am sure he is just a miserable man, my dear how long did you court him?now u the twat, tell him you no longer interested let's see if he won't change since he claims to love you.
DeleteMr Lyca
D poster is actually mummy's girl,she's so insecured and am not surprised.
DeleteMy daughter brings a lot of them home b4 she got married,u can see d way they relate with domestic and other people not at par with them but when someone else doesn't think they are all that this is kind if reaction u get.
A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, u r not married yet, call it off. He doesnt love you. Dont marry and suffer in ur marriage. You shd be happy. Call it off now b4 its too late. I have called off an engagement b4 cos of something similar as urs. You wont be the 1st or the last to call of an engagement. AdaMbano
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you go fast and pray tire as he's ego-filled. This kinda guy has no respect for his woman, we know their type. Talk to your mum about it asap.
ReplyDeleteBwahahahaha. ...........
DeleteCant U read in between d lines????its d poster that lacks respect.
Cancel that damn wedding.. It will get worse... He is a fool... Wat kind of orientation is that.? You will end up lonely and it might be too late BY then..a stich in time save nine.. He needs to grow up!!! Cancel that wedding!!! #seibatu
ReplyDeleteHmmnnnnn, poster this is a very serious situation. Am not good at telling someone to end his or her affair, i expect them to count their teeth with their tongue.
ReplyDeleteUr man sure has a lot of drama and pain, tears saved up for you later when you get married. One of the worse feeling on this world is that feeling of feeling unloved. It hurts to the bone.
Your man isn't really into you my dear.
So i say: count your teeth with your tongue and make a decision. Your situation requires a practical solution not what prayer à nd fasting will do.
It is well.
@poster the lord is your strength
ReplyDeletePls visit my shoe blog
www.glowysofiscated.blogspot.com
This glowy sofiscated is the 2nd Pat Ogar Oh. Aunty advise her small na
DeleteTrina she is more concerned about her shoe blog lmao
DeleteAwww, my dear, your story is so moving and I hope you are tough enough to do what only you can decide to do. You are sentencing yourself to a lifetime of loneliness and misery if you marry this man.
ReplyDeleteDo you love this man? Or are you marrying him just to bear the Mrs. title? How is it possible that in this day and age, a man would spout such backward nonsense and worse, get a wife?
Your husband should be your best friend. Trust me, that is what keeps marriages together through all the ups and downs. I've been married for 5 years and I tell anyone who cares to know that my husband is my best friend. I confide in him, we tease each other a lot and we take all decisions together. We fight too, but making up is so easy because of that bond of friendship we share.
This man sounds like someone who believes that a wife should be seen and not heard. He will oppress you and dim your light. Please leave now before you condemn yourself to marital hell. Lots of women are walking shells because of men like these.
Good comment,your husband should be your best friend.I have been married for 13years and my husband is next to GOD in my life,he loves being in control BUT he respects and listens to me a lot.And the provision is out of this world.Please BV,run if you can because even as lovely as mine is,i hate the environment when he is angry so i can imagine someone who doesn't want to joke with you .Seek GOD's face and be strong to make the right decision to address it with him or to defer the wedding and see if he can change
DeleteNa wa ooo.........
DeleteY didnt she join in d discussion????Y were they always quarrelling on Skype????Y was she shedding tears on something that isn't worth crying over????????????
This poster is a drama queen who has a twisted idea of what marriage is all about.
She has esteem issues,y else would u ve guest in ur home,u stayed in d room crying bcos ur fiance will not "smile"at U.
This small children sef.
My dear run I mean run n dnt look back dis man doesn't love u. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Which one is being playful with ur wife will make her to lack respect for him LoL men na wa Ooooo
ReplyDeleteRun to where???????
DeleteSo anytime U are overwhelmed,U run????
Na wa oooooo.........
Pls call it off .. It's better to go through the pain now than go through a life time of hurt and pain.
ReplyDeletePoster see it this way, preparations are being made 4 ur wedding and not ur actual MARRIAGE. Poster if d poster of ystd with a good career and PhD had first hand of wt marriage wld be like, she 'ld not have continued... You wanna be divorcee almost immediately after marriage. Oga has showed u and told u wt life's gonna be... Don't be a fool. D reason u came home was to gt to know him better ie court him and now u've seen it. If your parents are going to persuade u to continue with the wedding, then don't tell them. On d day of wedding don't show up! But It'll be better u call it off now and mk urself unavailable till d whole thg is off. I've seen wedding preparations put to a halt exactly 2 weeks to d tym and we have 4gttn about it. This happened dis year. Turned out dat d gal was a flirt and wedding plans were put to a halt. Ppl will talk now and b4 2 wks its all 4gttn but divorce after wedding??? U don't wanna go down dt lane.... Grow dat balls now than later unless u wanna continue praying and fasting but God's no magician. He already showed u signs! I hope u mk a good decision. *e hugs*
ReplyDeleteHahahaha this Oga is funny, he's a good "actor" lol. Abeg just tell him and cry to him that you want your hubby to be your Bestie, brother, confidant, your protector, baby, tell him What you want. You've already said you won't call off the wedding and unless he reads this blog everything. You wrote here should be directed to him. I'm sure you sef don't know how to play and relate with a man too. If you try that with me by the time I'm all over you. You go laugh and let your guard down or you suffer steady tickling in the ribs and armpit.
ReplyDeleteNuvi Yes,i second ur Last input
DeletePoster i have heard every every so no need to say more
Buh den again,i suspect that u sef ma are feeling funky
Cos i didnt see anywhere u said that u tried gisiting wit him or talking to him about dis problem
No,u rather wanna sulk
Oya sulk na
And again,in case u dont know...
Men feel jittery too wen dey wanna now out of bachelorhood and esp as d Wedding approaches...not just we women
So,talk to him first
Explain how u feel
I am sure u wil get positive results
D Poor Guy might be just scared
Try working it out and dont forget,ur hubby should be ur bestie,d person u can goof around wit...d Only person u Show ur darkest side,d person u are most comfortable with!ur gossip buddy.
If its not like dat,Nne its not marriage o
Hmmm
Cos all dese r wot wil get u vÃa wen d tough patches come....and oh yes,dey wil come Honey!
Good luck and hugs honey!
Spot on!!!
DeleteHmmm! This one nah hard nut to crack o, come to think of it, men are known to be in their best behaviour b4 wedding so if u are getting all this now then prepare for worse when u two finally settle down.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't laugh with your wife, who will? Your gateman??
ReplyDeleteHe is not the causer o his personality but his military upbringing. Some parents and their warped up reasoning
Poster I baala one chance. Don't just run. But run with your slippers on your head.
DeleteI have never laugh this hard bcos i'm in same dilemm !
DeleteBut my queen Stella did gave me something to hand which is laughter,like she said laugh off your pain.ThanksSylvia for giving me that platform with this rib cracking comment .
My sista look very well before u leap, bcos 2 stay with a man lyk dat wud probably mean everlastn boredom nd torment. Pls a failed relationship is better than a failed marriage. D penny i have
ReplyDeleteCalling off a wedding can be a huge huge huge challenge and this situation is defintely not worth calling it off for. Since you guys havent lived together (you said you've been abroad) i suggest living together to see how it feels. Still talk to him to be play with him even if he doesnt want to play. The only reason to call off a wedding is a infidelity and domestic violence. This is a bit petty for a wedding cancellation. Maybe a postponement can show him youre not really there yet. Goodluck!
ReplyDeleteIt's like ur eyes were aching u while reading d post. Didn't u see where shwme wrote that she came to stay with him when his friend and gf were around? It's people like u that give useless advice. Not worth calling it off for u said? Abeg if u don't have any good advice to give just STFU. I just marry people @ anony 6:42.
DeleteBabe don't mind this one oh, she wan marry therefore giving out bad advice.
Marriage is sweet when u always laugh together even over things That u r supposed to be angry about. #experience #
ReplyDeleteTo me ooo, marriage is not a do or die affair. It is better to call it off now than when you guys are done with the wedding.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, you are considering your family cos they have prepared for wedding, let me ask you, when the pain go start, will they join you to bear the bear??? When the heat go dey on, they will only advice you to bear it that its always like that.
My Dear, you are meant to enjoy your marriage not endure. You've seen the signs now, what else are you waiting for......???
The decision lies with you..... If you take the big walk now, highest before one month, the gossip go end and you forget about it. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Good luck on your decision
No laughter in marriage equals no happiness in marriage
ReplyDeleteCall off d wedding.....d picture u av painted of the man nd his family shows they are control freaks nd d man a liar.....when people see signs like this instead of them to abandon der shoes nd run they keep making excuses nd den get stuck in a loveless nd abusive marriage
ReplyDeleteMy dear I'm sorry to say this but this man will not make you happy. He will bully and order you around feeling like a boss.
ReplyDeleteDear i feel ur pain nd understand ur confusion. The same thing hapnd 2 my sis even though her case was beating. So am just going 2 tell u wat i told her. Plsss dont look @ the expenses that have been made considerin d Weddin nd wat pple will say that the marriage has been called off because is ur hapiness we're talkin about here. Except u want 2 wallow in misery till death do u parts. If u think u can endure the silent treatment nd no smile 4rm Him fine go ahead with it. But if u cant u beta get out of it now than regret leta. Fine prayer is the key2 solvin problems but most times we humans choose not 2 consult God b4 taking decisions nd even when God is tryin 2 direct us we choose 2 ignore d signs. Ma galfrnd recently told mii abt her elder sis marriage of how d man ignores her n dnt talk or laff wit her like how married couples do. She can travel 4 her bizness her husband wont even call her 2 know if shez fine or not nd even when she comes back he still wont inquire how her journey went. She said is only durin sex he can talk or laff wit her. The woman regrets ever gettin married 2 her husband nd if not 4 her kids she wud have divorced him. She isnt enjoyin her home at all. So plsss ur hapiness shud come first and like stella said is ur hapiness that get u tru d storm.
ReplyDeleteMy dear he has shown and told you who he is, it's all up to you either choose your happiness or please the world especially your family. Guess it it does not get better. Trust me on that. So the choice is yours.
ReplyDeleteMarriage comes with enough stress to break even the strongest steel without laughter. U need laughter in marriage to stay sane, lots of it. U both should see a counsellor before the wedding, I guess it's just some crazy ideology he picked up sometime in life and counselling helps.
ReplyDeleteI wish u gooodluck in working it out.
By the way, God is bigger than our tots, fears and imaginations, I just found out am preggie last nite, am ecstatic, hubby's joy know no bounds. I have always had this fear right from the moment I started dating that I'm going to have a hard time getting pregnant. For no reason at all, the devil always whispers it to me and I've been so afriad,am 29, wedded last weekend, trad was done few months bck and my period has been regular, I have even shared this fear with my hubby, he encouraged me and told me to ignore the devil, that when am ready for babies, we will have enough but due to my fears, I told him I'll be ready next year (atleast to enjoy my marriage a bit before the reality of infertility hits me, so I tot). I have consumed every IVF post on here, written down the the names of the hospitals and even began to plan on how to try the chicken egg white preggie receipe a blog visitor dropped on here some months ago, it's been that bad. That fear has almost eaten me up even tho i've never tried to concieve, I've been too afraid to try. I've even been planning to buy fertile aid (I read it on here that it aids TTC mothers). Just 2 days ago, I complained to my bbf that I last saw my period on the 14th of Last month, I was worried I might have some issues with my cycle which should be why I haven't seen my period (shamefully I have been that pessimistic). She insisted we do a PT this morning, but due to my fears, I secretly did one last night becos I didn't want her to see a negative result and to the shame of the devil's voice that's been tormenting and deceiving me all my adult life that am infertile.... I am pregnant, I ran to the sititng room to show my hubby and BFF, I did another one right in their presence and God indeed showed me how powerful he is.
Am sorry abt the epistle but I've been too amazed to sleep all night.
Every woman trusting God for the fruit of the womb on this blog, May God suprise u like he did me. Never let the devil steal ur hope nor the negativity of people wear u down, God is still in the business of putting the enemy to shame. May he bless u like he's blessed me.
Aaaawwww... congrats dear
DeleteWaoh!
DeleteCongrats darling!
Can imagine how thrilled u are!
Nne m,Enjoy!
Register for ANC
Be happy,prayerful n BLOOM baby!
Congrats once more!
Chai...
Nothing beats d excitement n frenzy of a first pregnancy n d subsequent First Baby!
Marriages issues ,sometimes I just wonder ,how the relationship started ,and what made it turn sour ,men change suddenly and women wonder ,next they say you nag too much .my dear sit him down and define your relationship .,tell him this is not the marriage you dream of haVing ,watch him if he doesn't change ,walk ,marriage for nigeria men is bigger than what the ordinary eyes can see.you aren't married yet his showing all this ,what happens when you say I do .
ReplyDeletePoster, but you are not getting married to your parents. If you have doubt about this marriage, call it off. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. We Nigerians tend to think much about what people will say; and end up being in misery for the rest of our lives. If you can not laugh with your husband, I wonder who on earth you will laugh with; wish you good luck dear poster. Remain blessed!
ReplyDeleteYou wear d shoe & u know were it hurt d most,ask urself can u cope with dis life style,remember this is marriage not relationship. U alone know d best advice for urself..May God help u dear.
ReplyDeleteHaa! This is actually shocking!
DeletePoster,i have fun with my hubby,i tease him..he spanks me jokingly..i spank back and all..its fun! The issue of your inlaws is just a No No! How can his sister dictate to you or say you are spending too much?mbanu nne..it will only get worse..
The mom should not even take decisions for you.i don't even know where to start!
For that dude to leave you when you cried yourself to sleep..jeezz!! I have goosies already! How dare he leave you to go clubbing with friends when the apple of his eyes is sulking or sleeping?
Am just appalled,maybe some people with hard men like this can advise you better biko...
I have never called off a wedding but a close colleague has...it was her wedding weekend,she travelled on a Thursday for the engagement(shes yoruba), We got the text and bbms on thursday evening politely telling us there won't be any wedding,we already bought asoebi and all but it didn't matter.We were supportive,her family travelled with her and consoled her...she came back bubbling...the guy was arrogant,controlling,mean-spirited,too stiff..the list goes on...she later told us. She got married this year! A fresh guy she has always known but didn't have any inkling that they will end up together. She's a strong girl and I respect her! She has never been happier,she still thanks God for saving her...God be with you
@ Iphie Dearie,
DeleteI Met an Igbo Chick @ Premier Hospital
We were room mates in d children's ward,my daughter and her son were down.
Vibrant,posh,stylish Young Lady
And a prayerful chick..i remember she had dis massive Bible wit her
Nne d chick told me she called off her Wedding just a week to it o
Couldnt believe ma ears
She told me d Guy was arrogant,selfish,wicked and Soo insensitive
She ma schooled abroad n stayed on in d US after her masters
So she just came down to Naija to be wit her hubby n get to know him
Buh d guy was just impossible!
My mouth just hung open,my eyes Wide,Soo wide...
Den she took her phone and made a call:
Honey,Pls wen coming in d evening,Pls kindly get me one of dose Wedding IV's in d guest room...its on top of d wardrobe.i want to show my friend here.
Na so d Man come o,with her old wedding IV!
And she told me: no one is in charge of ur happiness but YOU!
And no one can make YOU Inferior or sad without YOUR CONSENT!
Why do I ve a feeling that I know dis poster...... Ogugua is dat U? Babes, seems like u need to take a walk now while u can! Too much drama from ur to be inlaws n husby already, na action movie e go turn to by d time d "wife" u! Run as ur legs can carry u!
ReplyDeleteFace ya werk. Its not her.
DeleteI am a married man and my wife and I are like best friends (With 3 kids). We gist and laugh all the time. in fact I just carried her to the bedroom right now because she slept in the living room.
ReplyDeleteThe writing is already on the wall for you. if you are married to him, you are going to experience worse than what you are going through right now.
There are good guys out there. I am not going to advise you to talk to him or pray about it because your prayer has already being answered with these attitudes you are seeing. It is now left to you to leave him.
Take care.
WHERE iS THE LIKE BUTTON,PLS?
DeleteThis is good. Please don't stop.
DeleteAwwwn...so sweet.
DeleteAwwwww..sooo sweet.. Chai..
DeleteAwwww...Dis is Soo Sweet...
Delete*sniffing*
Awwww!... I want to get married! oga, pls do u have a friend or brother like you?
DeleteMillion likes. Gbamest!!!
Deletemy dear are you prepared to live in misery because wedding preparatiomsbare out of this world..
ReplyDeleteI called off mine years ago as he turned rude, arrogant and mean it was hard as he married a year later and I was single for a while but today am happy
my own husband is a special design from God and is to my specification wait for your who will give you laughter joy and peace, God has shown you early enough
my dear are you prepared to live in misery because wedding preparatiomsbare out of this world..
ReplyDeleteI called off mine years ago as he turned rude, arrogant and mean it was hard as he married a year later and I was single for a while but today am happy
my own husband is a special design from God and is to my specification wait for your who will give you laughter joy and peace, God has shown you early enough
ii think you should pray and ask God......us men are not God and don't see the future well. Maybe he would change in the future and become your ideal man, maybe not. who knows?
ReplyDeleteMy dear, your marriage has ended even before it started. You can call it off now or go ahead marry, wait till you feel very frustrated and ask for a divorce. But the thing with the later is that you may kids by then, life can never be easy and you will no longer be fresh
ReplyDeleteMy dear he is showing you who he is now,when you get into the marriage who knows if it would be worse.because you can't predict what can happen after you get married..end the whole thing which maybe difficult,apologise to your parents that you would be disappointing them on this and tell them your reasons....so his reason is for you not to disrespect him that is nonsense...there is more to it dear,don't go into what you would regret later.life is too short for you not to find happiness....make the right decision and be happy.this marriage thing is just something else.
ReplyDeleteStella, do you know sometimes i wonder when i see how desperate ladies are these day, as far as i know this lady is already trapped in her thought of " what will people say" and want to ruin her eternal happiness. I'm a married man with 5 years experience and i have always being playful with my wife and she has never and can never disrespect me. Laughing and playing with your wife or husband bring the best of any marriage be it respect or whatever, all his excuses are pure rubbish please use ur brain before it's too late bearing it in your mind that you will suffer the depression alone and your family won't be able to help
ReplyDeleteGod bless u sir!
DeleteIt is sad. My dear, I am going through similar problem right now. I went ahead and with the wedding because of what families and friends will say. I took care of everything with my earned money. I filed for him and brought him to USA all paid expenses on me. It is over 2 years, living together. We have sex once in 2 month sometimes over 3 month. No phone calls or any form of communication. Now, he doesn't come home anymore. He jump from one job to another. My dear, it doesn't worth it. If you can call off the wedding please do so. Is better to do it now, than divorce later. It is sad, I have resigned to my fate. Please think very well before you leap
ReplyDeleteAre you a catholic? File for annulment please. You are not married! Jeeezzzzzz
Delete@ iphie, even if she is a Catholic, annulment is granted based on the following conditions if u were married under force, and deceit. And then u can get separated if there is treat to ur life
DeleteI agree with the man..wonen tend to disrespect a playful hubby..tge man will be playful with his kids when they arrive.i would have said otherwise if he is violent or physical but since he isnt,then u guys r cool
ReplyDeleteSome mean men are worse than the violent ones! Emotional violence...So you think playing with your wife will bring disrespect? ehn ehn? That means you can't play with your kids too na..they will disrespect you! African mentality! You want respect but you don't give it...well mine is a playful household and we are loving every minute of it!
DeleteU r a dunce. Respect is either there or not, has nothing to do with play. My hubby showed me a glimpse of his true nature just before we got married, we used to play and he was such a nice guy, but just before the wedding I started noticing chips in his enamel plate of perfection. I believed it was pressure...fast forward 3 years. We are still bobbing about on a canoe on the wild open sea.
DeleteThe blissful picture Stella put up is a farce, granted some marriages are like that, but for the most part, the reality is not so picture perfect. Shine your eye and forget all this prayer and fasting malarkey. If u had married finish and then he flipped ehen pray fit work, but as u have seen the signs in a BIG way, me I just saw tashere oo, then the decision is totally yours to make. Your fam will not be the ones sharing ur matrimonial home and matrimonial sorrow. Me I am living with my cross till whenever or whatever. Some days are ok some days are nasty and if it all gets too much of the nasty I sabi say I get parents. No hard feelings. So my dear, offload and analyze your brain.
My epistle...the EPISTLER
Men dey talk u still dey talk,FOOL!
DeleteTake sometime to think about it. Maybe that's how it works in his family. Talk about it and maybe he will see reason to change.
ReplyDeletewww.lifeasvira.blogspot.com
Read Confessions of a Sunday school teacher on www.lifeasvira.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteHe's taking you for granted. Call off his bluffs , cancel the wedding. That's if you are still in your 20s not 30s. Titimadame.
ReplyDeleteabeg folo Titimadames advice. If u r in ur 30's stay n die in hell Titimadame na certified marriage counsellor
DeleteHuh! Call off the damned wedding already!!! Bullocks!!! Absolute fucking bullshit!!! You out of your mind or what huh! Your proposed hubby is an ass and your marriage is doomed even before its set off! Don't do that to yourself. Total BS!!!
ReplyDeleteLucinda
DO NOT MARRY THAT MAN!
ReplyDeleteI will only get worse after the wedding and then you will start suffering and looking for a way to leave. You know what you want in a man and he is obviously not it!
Hmmm, my dear don't go there ooh, that guy doesn't have 2% LOVE 4you he probably want marry you for a purpose and not bkos he loves you am talking from experience I had with my ex .then I tot it was the end of the world for me but God said NO that the best man awaits me. And today am marrid to not just one in a million man but one in a life time man. You are supposed to be his joy&best friend. It's better to call it off now than later. Hope you understand?
ReplyDeletePele I hate when women say bcos of my family, u won't be happy in dat marriage no be curse, u better leave dat idiot and his family will show u pepper, u and ur man should be best friend Biko. I am not married bcos I don't bliv in dat paper signing I beliv in how we love and cherish each other, I have been with my man for 9 yrs, we only dated for 2 weeks then we moved together, now we have 3 beautiful girls and we are very very happy together Infact we are best friend. We do everything together my dear from cooking to house chores, Infact I can count how many times I cook or tidy up d kitchen and even bath and dress d children up. He does everything which d children always confess dat daddy loves mummy too much bcos he bliv we have equal right and his family is so nice also bcos they bliv dats how it should be.
ReplyDeleteAah.
DeleteWhy don't u get married already?u are committing fornication madam!
DeleteAwwww..so sweet...
DeleteBut my dear, pls wake up to reality!! R u Nigerian? Living in Nigeria?
It's obvious you are not religious still You need that paper ooooo..for purely legal reasons...
I would advice you go with him to a marriage registry and get legal proof of the union...U need it ooooo
Even a deviant nation like ds US still recognizes the importance of a marital union as opposed to 'living together'
It will be your protection....i know you'll say it's silly but no one knows tomorrow...even that his family might end up shocking u, infact, #Enoughsaid...A word is enough for the wise
Get married
DeleteA broken engagement is better than a broken marriage..tell him you're calling it off that'll shake him up if he really loves you o...if it doesnt leave him
ReplyDeleteHmmm, poster I'll keep praying for you. Your husband is supposed to be your bestfriend not soldier man. It is well.
ReplyDeleteMy dear you should not be getting marriedto a man who cannot smile and laugh with you. To a man who shows llittle or no concern for you. As my mother always says better a broken engagement than a broken marriage. Think about it dear,is this the atmosphere you want your children to grow up in? A house without respect and laughter? Its your choice.
ReplyDeleteMy dear it's better to call off an engagement and wedding preparation than live the rest of your live sad and depressed. NOBODY is going to live with this man other than you. Call your parents explain the situation to them and don't believe he will get better with time. No he will never change for you. No prayers can change him either so please do not believe the crap about praying and fasting some people will tell you to do. My dear marriage is not everything but your HAPPINESS IS THE ULTIMATE. WALK OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP AND YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID WHEN YOU MEET A BETTER MAN. Remain blessed. From a married woman.
ReplyDeleteHian! Me dat like to jist and laff so. Dear Poster, this is a very sensitive issue and really don't know what to advice. Hear what others have to say and use your mind. It is well.
ReplyDeleteMy dear...run for your life. These are the signs. The fights will get worse when yiu get married. Take your best nikes and run else you will be sending stella another mail to lament. My friend had a similar experience. In her case though, she had not started preparation yet but both families had net and she had started preparation for the court. They guy was so difficult and they argued all the time. My dear she had to call everything off. May God help you and remember marriage is honorable with the bed undefiled. - Bs
ReplyDeleteI didn't accept to marry bcos I don't bliv in dat thing I fact his parent always beg us to get marry so it can be proper in d eyes of God and he always beg but sorry I won't get marry bcos we are perfect. And don't ask me about what if bla bla his property. We stay abroad and we are still struggling for papers together. I just love dis man bcos he takes women seriously he refused to trick any women into marriage bcos of papers which all his friends has done and now everybody left him behind but quests what he doesn't care. He strongly bliv we will make it together no matter what. D little things he has in naija is on I and d children's name. Pls my fellow sdk readers pls help me pray dat our application for permission to stay should b granted. He deserve better bcos of his pure heart. Pls pray for us and when everything is successful I will come and give my testimony and say a very big thank u in a special way. Thanks everyone
ReplyDeleteI will pray that you accept his proposal.lol
DeleteEhe I forgot poster...please your parents will beg you,he might even beg and cry...use your head ooh!he might be begging you now but in his mind he will be waiting for after the wedding to punish you.Be Wise!
Darlyn pls call off d wedding o. Marriage na till death do us part.there no big deal in calling off a wedding my brother did after 3months premarital class and guess what the Pastors said that they saw it coming long story.... U will be amazed ur family will support u .
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Dear poster this is a serious issue o. Like Stella says. The lower pix is how it should be o. I have called off a wedding but what has kept my hubby and I is the laughter and the playful attitude we had while friends. In fact it was from being friends dat we decided to get married. Back then we could chat on the phone about 7 times in a day and for several hours. The playfulness has kept us going even now dat we are going thru some financial difficulties. It's been 7 years since we got married.
ReplyDeleteSo my dear, think carefully before u marry someone who treats u like u are being forced on him. The decision is solely urs. Forget how much ur family has expended becos at the end of the day. It's just u and him. Get someone to talk to him, from amongst his friends or from the church becos its obvious his family members are just concerned about themselves. Place books about marriage around so he can read. And most of all, pray. The final decision is urs.
My dear , u seem to be the "pleaser" in this relationship. .. if you can't smile now, you can't smile later except with God's help.. but now u'r seeing the signs u better use ur head. Ur family won't run ur marriage for u... I wonder what I will be doing in a relationship where my sober moments are more than my joyful moments. . I ended a relationship recently bcos of this reason. . I wasn't happy. . His parents even knew me... but I thought about the whole thing and let go..I was happier when we were not together. . no regrets cos I don't even miss us.. I have experienced some bad times growing up and I don't want any of such repeated in my future. . I'm happier now. . Use ur tongue and count ur teeth. . How long can u hold on? A RELATIONSHIP IS FOR TWO TEAM MATES AND NOT OPPONENTS.. whoever I marry must first of all be my 'friend'. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteMy dear , u seem to be the "pleaser" in this relationship. .. if you can't smile now, you can't smile later except with God's help.. but now u'r seeing the signs u better use ur head. Ur family won't run ur marriage for u... I wonder what I will be doing in a relationship where my sober moments are more than my joyful moments. . I ended a relationship recently bcos of this reason. . I wasn't happy. . His parents even knew me... but I thought about the whole thing and let go..I was happier when we were not together. . no regrets cos I don't even miss us.. I have experienced some bad times growing up and I don't want any of such repeated in my future. . I'm happier now. . Use ur tongue and count ur teeth. . How long can u hold on? A RELATIONSHIP IS FOR TWO TEAM MATES AND NOT OPPONENTS.. whoever I marry must first of all be my 'friend'. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteMy dear,respect is not forced its earned,a man dat s loveing caring and sweet will not lack respect from his wife,if u end up marrying hm wtout working out ds issue u will be depressed and miserable after marriage,how can a man tell u such tins b4 marriage,do u knw how he will treat u after marriage,he couldn't even hide it, pls be wise o.I have some experience I and hubby dated for 9yrs and we ve been married for 2 yrs now.Like I said earlier poster,I really can't say much here,if u want us to talk more email me peacegirl51@yahoo.com.
ReplyDeleteOooh dear. I got really shocked when I read ' a man should not be too playful with his wife'. Damn..for real?. Rt now you are the only one who knows what you can deal with for the rest of your life. But I think you shud marry someone who is ur friend so you both can joke about almost everything. Maybe you should sit him down and tell him the relationship is lacking companionship. All the best.
ReplyDeleteSweetie first ur making a big mistake going ahead with d wedding call it off cos u wld neva b happy. My fiancee plays with me like were kids nd it dosent change d respect I av for him dat ought to b a rilli lame excuse.
ReplyDeleteNa wah o..... where una dey see all these kain men sef? Makes me appreciate my baby even more. I feel fear for you merely reading this post...... a man like that is too dangerous to be around.... he'll be giving you hell at home while being an angel to outsiders making you seem like the enemy if you try to complain to people who know him. That won't be good for your image one bit........If you don't want to call it off based on how far your plans have got so far, you can sell whatever to others planning their wedding. All the best tho.
ReplyDeleteGod bless u plenty ma'am
DeleteNa wa oh. Why will you want to commit yourself into something that will make you feel like you're living in a cemetery?
ReplyDeleteMy dear ur life does not depend on ur family members. They have made their choice and is ur turn to.make urself. Pls think twice before going into this marriage. U are getting some signs now, is that what u want? Is that how u wish to leave with ur husband after marriage? Don't expect that he will change after the wedding. My dear u r about to go into a life time journey and u need some one that can support u fully all the way. Because the actual challenges are yet to come. So think and discuss with him. Be calm in voice and try to.find the truth if he actually want this marriage pls.dont jump in just because of ur family and the jump out.
ReplyDeleteForget what anybody has to say!the earlier u back out the better for u!A broken relationship is still better than a broken marriage if u believe it or not!
ReplyDeleteWhether*
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm! Its very easy for anyone who is not in ur shoes to ask u to call off the wedding buh my advice is for u to someone about this(someone whom u feel has a higher level of wisdom) and don't forget to pray and ask for God's help to make the right decision.all the best deary!
ReplyDeleteMy dear u ar being childish. Marriage is all about maturity, especialy we women. Pls dont call off d wedding. Dat is d way my husband behaves, it pains me a lot wen we newly got married in 2008, but as time goes on it became part of d show. I dont ask hm for anythin, even if u do he will not giv. Thank God am financial independent, now i dont ask hm for anything even during pregnancy. I wear d best of clothes and also dress my kids well. My kids ar now my best friends. No loneliness again, we discos and laugh a lot, we visit mr. Biggs anytim we wishd. I can tel u am now enjoying it. Pray to God to bless u wit kids immeduatly and try to be financial independent, wit dis two things, my dear case don close. Gudluck.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't be compelled to live a life of sorrow because you are financially independent. No be only you born the children o
DeleteSo you are wishing your fate on her abi? She should be matured like you and end up marrying herself and her kids abi?? You should be able to advice her based on your experience and you are here calling her immature? So that when she is pregnant she will suffer like you stated above? Poster pls ignore this bv
DeleteI command that "settle for less" spirit outta you IJN!! AMEN
DeleteLmao @ we visit Mr. Biggs. Ehwu! Dis blog is too funny. Ehya @ ur kids, babies I bet, are ur bestf. Madam u are not apy ooo!
DeleteShut up there!why pretending like u are enjoying ur marriage?u are a wicked somebody sha o,u want this young lady to suffer what u are suffering,tufia!
DeleteLmao @ Mr Biggs..so that's evidence of happiness....
DeleteI'm sorry to break it to u, dear, you are soooooo unhappy, it is now part of your DNA so you now think it's normal cos you don't know a better way...
Pls don't wish your situation on anybody, it's pathetic
Hehehe... badbelle! ur not happy in ur marriage, Ur married to ur children and u want the same fate for someone else? Aunty, should I say you are wicked? No I won't. But seriously, it's nice to know u've adapted, but pls, u see this thing wey u type for here? No try am again. Wat is maturity again? Mister Biggs ko Miss Small ni! Poster, pls jump and pass her comment.
DeleteMy dear, postpone the wedding.
ReplyDeleteDon't 'cancel' it.
No maybe in too foward..
Answer this question, if he doesnt change, will you be ok or happy for the rest of your life?
If you can live with it happily and never complain about it again, then go ahead.
If you cant live with it and if you are going to complain about it another time, then kindly request for abreak. And let him know exactly why you need the break. That you need to know if you can spend the rest of your life living luke that.
As Stella said, you need laughter in your home oooo. Hmmm. I dont want to stress the importance of laughter.
How is a home happy without laughter?
You want to bring sad kids into the world?
Let me stop here for now.
Babe
So this complain that she has already made is not enough? U dey look for part2 abi?
DeleteMadam I think you are your own problem. You sound problematic and I feel the man should call it off.
ReplyDeleteYou are very stupid for dat statement.
DeleteLocal champion!
@Dee Broown, are you kidding me? To think that we share almost the same name. So from the narration you saw up there, what you could conclude on is that she sounds problemattic right? If that's the kinda man you wish for, dont expect others to wish for him too. Different strokes for different folks
DeleteI feel for u dear.... Shak!
ReplyDeletePlease my advice for you is to call him out.. Which one is that he won't play and laugh with youyou? Sorry dear buy if you don't do the calling out now,he would be like that in marriage...
ReplyDeleteSit him down and tell him you don't think you San marry him,that you can't deal with not been playful or jolly around him,tell him it can't work for you so you all should end it now and you wouldn't want him to pretend and start been all jolly around you because of the wedding and after that he goes back to how he was before thereby leaving you miserable...
You see that picture above,it can't be like that all the time but that's how it should be most of the time... A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.... You don't want to keep crying your self to sleep forever because that's how it would be.
Its well poster
ReplyDeletePls don't marry this guy....all he will bring you is pain and sadness.
ReplyDeleteThe only time I ever see my hubby smile is when he is with his pals and when he is drinking beer. Even his son does not make him smile. He hardly ever wants to spend time with his family. 5 years of this crap is damaging emotionally and I now look older than my age.
I wish I have seen the writing on the wall earlier to call off this disaster of a marriage. I have cried, prayed and fasted. I look like a bag of bones. I'm just waiting for my papers and I will leave him.
DeleteSweetheart,
DeleteThe time you spend crying, fasting and praying....please invest that time into:
1)self development
2) taking care of yourself regardless of how you feel at that moment. because the more you look forlorn, the more his ego swells. When you allow a man see that his actions are making you sad, you're in trouble.
3) business strategy
4) way forward or way out
Best wishes
This is a serios warning sign,mayb he is nt into u as u think,my dear its better u enjoy dan endure ur marriage...my 2 cent...
ReplyDeleteHmmm my dear u aint in yet n u r already crying ur eyes out. U only live life once, life is too short t spend som part of it in tears wen u hav an option of laughter. Quit praying n fasting n move on cos he wnt change, he's relating wt u d same way he's seen his father relate wt his mum.
ReplyDeleteThis is a serios warning sign,mayb he is nt into u as u think,my dear its better u enjoy dan endure ur marriage...my 2 cent...
ReplyDeleteHoney, if that's the only problem, continue with the wedding and try win his family over. Then tell ur problem to the person he listens to most in his family, I believe with time it will sort out. From experience a lot of doubts arise towards weddings but always look on the good characters and dont forget to look out for the voice of the Holy Spirit in ur heart.
ReplyDeleteHis family will not save her! They won't live in that house with her...and when she complains too much to them..they will hold her on ransome and her happiness will forever depend on that his mom and sister!
DeleteWhy do people talk to their spouse's family about their spouse? This kind of mentality ruins relationships and one man/woman will be thinking he/she is the reason u r still married
DeleteAbeg, I speak with u directly..if u can't deal, im out
Odiegwu!!!! Darling, I think you need to run till your legs can carry you no more.
ReplyDeleteplenty Wahala for Women
ReplyDeleteyou know what u want so make ur decision based on that.
maybe u should make a list.
Do his wrong doings over-shadow his right?
are there things you can cope with or adjust to?
you are the person that will live with him and 4get about all those family ish;u dnt ve to displease yourself to please some1 else.
Above all pray and also pray that GOD should give u the grace/strength to withstand the outcome.
cos most times We pray for GOD TO SHOW US a SIGN/next move and we he does,WE become so heartbroken that we cant let go(Beginning of d probs)
u really have to use ur head sometimes.
Have you sat down and ve a heart to heart talk with him?
Have both of you gone for counselling or attended Marriage course?
Jeez! Sister, you don't want to be in that marriage I assure you. You're going to be very unhappy. Take a bold step and call it off. I know someone whose entire family had left nigeria for America for their son's wedding only to be told on getting there that the wedding was off. If you don't want to come back and tell us stories that touch, please do the needful.
ReplyDeletePoster that's an overbearing man right there, and it's only gonna get worse if u get married 2 him. I can see a potential emotional and probably physical abuser in him. Some1 dt won't hv respect 4 his woman. U are about getting in2 a marriage dt has no communication which will lead 2 lonliness. If u wanna leave like dt 4 d rest of ur life, then..
ReplyDelete*lips sealed and watching*
my dear all I can say is that u deserve happiness...this is a life time commitment.. so be careful...u know what to do if u ain't happy
ReplyDeleteHmmmm...Na wa oo..It is well dear poster
ReplyDeleteAh ah..hian. Are u guys enemies dat u can't play and joke with each other? If u can't laugh around eachother den u are not friends and shuldnt even be seen together talk more of getting married. Na wa oo poster I can't tell u to call off ther wedding cos dats totally up to u but my dear u shuld thank ur fiance for not hiding his true colour now, atleast u know what u are getting urself into. I don't know why ladies are soo concerned about the wedding ceremony forgetting it just for a day and ur family preparing for de wedding will leave u to face ur marriage. God have shown u de signs so no matter how u pray, fast and hope, he won't change.
ReplyDeleteRun Baby Run!!! You need to put a hold on the plans. Have a break from ech other either for a short time to evaluate things or a final one. This guy is not into you. Let learn how to appreciate you by showing to him that marrying him is not a do or die affair. He will always treat you as 'unimportant' for the rest of your of your like. Don't bank on him changing after marriage. They hardly do!
ReplyDeleteRUN AS FAST AS YOUR LEGS CAN CARRY YOU. How can you ever think of being in such a relationship not to talk of going into MARRIAGE. People can only advise u. The final decision to take is YOURS and YOURS ALONE.
ReplyDeleteI think you should go ahead with your marriage. You have been planning it for sometime. The man is not violent just different from you. Create your own happiness. You have a masters so find a job or go for your PHD. Fairy tales are for the movies and this is your own version of the story. If your man puts his version everyone will ask him to leave you too.
ReplyDeleteThat's the Naija mentality--- settle/ settle/ it can't be that bad/ other people are also managing their own etc
DeleteTruth is, there are basic foundation to a good relationship - friendship, good communication and respect
This one lacks all three....Nope! I wouldn't advice my enemy to go ahead
@poster, that's how I felt reluctant in calling my wedding off, bcos of family, now happy am not, make hay while the sun shines oh.
ReplyDeleteIn short ur hubby is in love with that girl
DO NOT MARRY THAT MAN!!!
ReplyDeleteI REPEAT...DO NOT MARRY THAT MAN!!!
My dear there's no perfect scenario in marriage if it's not this it's that . It's not enough reason to call off the marriage . Talk to him about ur worries see a counsellor together make ur husband the way u want him to be ur next relationship may be lacking too and cos of what ppl will say u'll marry . My dear be wise we can't always have life the way we want it but we can blend it to suit us . As long as you know he loves you he's not violent everything else will fall into place . Be wise pls . My husband was like that too cos of this same respect issue when he started rolling on the floor with me in laughter he didn't know !!
ReplyDeleteDear poster,that is not enough reason to call off ur weding.all this pple tellin u to call it off dnt mind them...oo.i think your man need some growing up,sit him down and tlk some sense into him.make him know your worth.both of you are suppose to be bestee not another way round.and also be prayerful marriage is not a bed of roses God be with you.
ReplyDeleteMama twins#
Welcome to the club of learning how to smile or laugh ever again.
ReplyDeleteI married same fool, who is 17 years older than me,at first he will call every member of my family,he nearly called my late grand dad & mom i don't know just to be loved.
Even brought a car for my dad !
Now is 10 years,he didn't even remember any of my family member's number not to talk of calling.
Sex is like a suicide mission which happens once a month.When i pack my things that i'm done with my daughter come see the animal producing water from his eyes larger than river Niger !
come see knee down like Rev father Mbaka dey beg,i'm finish without you,I WILL CHANGE ! you be dollars wey dey change ?
Hmm,where will i even start,the sex,na 1minute or even seconds & this is not joke,I timed it myself on several occasion,when you are about to adjust yourself the idiot will get up & leave like magic before your very eyes,still i have never made the mistake of cheating on him all this years,even though at a time i was in Nigeria before joining him.If I make new friends this man will start acting like a little spoilt child.Refusing to eat.in fact am about to set up a date for him in case he is gay !
my sister to tell you are blessed,I found out 2 years ago that this man married a wife from Nigeria & was with her for 3 years before SHE DIVORCED OUR HUSBAND ! ! ! Had a child for him but unfortunately the child die a week after birth.As for me,my dad told me to be patience since we are planning to visit Nigeria be fore the end of the year I'm never going back to that decorated prison called MARRIAGE ! Thank God i got a child from him for those years I wasted with him.
So dear if you are not happy how,I don't think you will ever get it from him,but you can get that from FRIENDS OR YOUR CHILDREN.Don't ever make the mistake he made me quit my job here as a full time wife,wifeing(not a word) wifeing his property .
Make you sit this man down and talk to him now before things goes out of control,Don't hope for a better tomorrow,open your mouth and tell him your fear and worries.His answer will show you the next step to follow.
Maybe mine is papi-water or something spiritual is fighting him because he will be at his best when he sees a packed bag.
When it comes to outsiders,hmm,this man will dash them his kidney and liver just to be the good guy,open door for their girlfriends and wife,when is me,hahahahaha...he will forget about me and drive off,open door for me ? unless he chop craze.
As i'm typing this on my phone,hahahahahaha...hahahahahaha...hahahahahaha make una come see movie,he dey try with his mango head to see what am doing !
He even told me he lost his phone that I should give him mine to make call,chei! this man na confirmed idiot !
May my enemy never meet such as this MY ROOM MATE CALLED HUSBAND OR CONTRABAND EVEN IN THEIR NIGHTMARS !
MAY GOD SAVE THIS MAN AND FREE WE WOMEN FROM THINGS LIKE HIM !
How,am very happy and relieved for off loading this pain within me.
Stella,e go better for you.
Pls permit me to laff first....hahahhahahahaha...yoruba pplwl say 'oro buruku toun terin'...
DeleteThis is quite sad and am really sorry u r having to put up wt this stress...cant even advice u...all il say is God be wt you...I pray he makes a way for you.
Women...can we just understand d need to love ourselves first...cos sometimes I wonder y ppl find demselves in situations like these...some ppl see d handwriting on d wall n ignore...
If I had stayed wt my ex...my story wld av bn one of des...
Leaving a guy who was very rich...only son...father has estates in lekki ...owns too many companies...more than 10 cars packed at every point in his garage...nice guy bt his ideas n values for marriage defers frm mine...I cldnt trade my happiness for anything. .den I startd to date my classmate whose father stl lives in a rented apartment...oh my...everyone thot I was insane...
I married him last yr ....its bn one happy day over another...he worships me...he does everything exactly aw I want it...ppl say d first year of marriage is usually d hardest...mine turned out to b heaven...neva bn close to dis level of excitement b4....am even thinkn am overdoin it cos sometimes, like yesterday I was in bed all day n breakfast and lunch was made n served to me by hubby...den at night we both went downstairs to d kitchen to get some food...
Bobo does most of d laundry...n he just says 'weneva u r nt at work...I need u to b resting' n he makes good his word.
God hs really blessed us...made ways for us...we both travelled out (miraculously) after schl...we now work n make very good morning n my hubby has bn both d main ingredient n the icing on d cake of my life.
I really pray u find happiness in ur life dear anonymous. ..and I knw God wl do it. Amen
LMAO at mango head...you are so funny..madam,remember its for better and for worse..this man will die if you leave him..why don't you manage him atleast he no dey use you as a punching bag...there's no perfect man out there
DeleteAMEN MY SISTER,AMEN.
DeleteAs a matter of fact, my school hubby that have been friends with me all this years is now my rock,We are planning to traditionalize everything by February next year so we are fucking yet and i miss sex like craze !
I can't put my hands on why i went for this Peter mango head man in the first place ! I guess i was blinded by his eye service calls and nwa Jesus show.
What gives me wicked joy this days is looking at him (hubby) eat and make noise or plan for his future not mine and smile with the tip of my lips of how i will tell him about my marriage !
Hmm,should it send it through email,Facebook ,UPS,FedEx,text message,letter,Stella's blog,Twitter,poem,neighbor to neighbor gossip or birthday present since the date our families picked is 1day ti his birthday ?
Hmmmmmmm...revenge is too sweet o o.
I laugh and roll on the floor just thinking how he will take it like :WHAT THE FUCK ! ! !
Runs to call my forgotten families and be hit with the number you are trying to call is not available,pls try again later !
CHEI!,I'VE GAINED 5 POUNDS JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS !
LIFE SWEET O O O !
Thanks sister for reaching out to me.
Lmao....Contraband assistant husband just like mine. Girl you made my day lol
Delete17 years older than you are? Wat Whr u thinking? Na magic? I suspect this ur story.
DeleteAre you blind? Can't you see? Your so called would be husband is not your friend. He can't even stand up for you. Please, please and please, a failed engagement is better than a failed marriage. Please it's not a crime to be happy in your marriage. You not only need it, you deserve it. Open up to your parents, tell them things as they are. If you think they won't understand, talk to someone who will make them understand. Fasting and praying over what you can already see is really foolishness. Please run out now! The tell tale signs of severe pain in that marriage is so evident.
ReplyDeleteYou already made the mistake of agreeing to marry this dude. Don't make a second mistake of actually marrying him. Believe me, the trouble of preparation for marriage ceremony will pale quickly in the light of the emotional trauma you have ahead of you. I'm a dude and I am telling you. Sit the guy down and tell him you are done with it. You deserve to be happy while he thinks its better he makes another woman happy but not his own! I shame for the guy! For me, I want my wife's every smiles traceable in some way to me (even if its not an entirely reasonable desire). He will no sooner tell you he needs to be able to play, and since he can't play with you, he needs to have a replaceable girlfriend to play with (since he can always replace her if she gets disrespectful).
ReplyDeletePLEASE RUN!!!
I dont think you shld call off the wedding, he just needs to grow up.Have a heart to heart talk with him, surround yourselves with couples whose marriages u admire and be prayerful.I believe he will change with time.
ReplyDeleteAs regards ur inlaw, u need wisdom to deal with them o, they come in different forms.i only hope ur hubby is not a mummy's boy cos that could be annoying.I dnt like men that allow their mums control them or their homes.They usually make things difficult for their wives.May God give u wisdom.
He'll make sure you have no material wants but calls you that his sister says you're spending too much... ok o!
ReplyDeleteOnly you can decide what you need to do. The way I see it, you have 3 options:
ReplyDelete1. Call off the wedding - if you envisage your future with him will give you mostly grief (well, he has categorically told you that he would not be laughing or jesting with you). It will do you good to disappear for a bit, if you call it off. Go on vacation. Sit back and enjoy life. Do not wallow in self pity. People will talk, then talk about other things. Babe, if its a bullet you dodge, then that's cause for thanksgiving.
2. Postpone the wedding indefinitely - maybe you do not want to call it off because you think there's hope that he will change. Hmmm, truth is if he was raised with such a disposition to his (intended) wife for almost/over 30 years, then he will definitely not change overnight. Even if you see changes in him, how would you be able to ascertain that the changes are genuine???
3. Go ahead with the wedding. This can have 3 endings o:
I. You live happily ever after.
ii. You live unhappily ever after. Your children may end up growing up in misery too.
iii. A few years or many years down the line, you get a divorce. With the warped way the legal system works, that could take 2 - 4 years to actually resolve.
Babe, this jamb question is for you to answer. If no other person would get hurt by your decision, which would you choose? The cost of the wedding preparations can not be compared to the life sentence you want to give yourself o.
So many problems. While its good to read all these and learn I have almost gotten to the point were I feel like its all bad out there. The stories I read here scare me really bad. Stella I wanna suggest that u make a post on good relationship stories sometime soon, people shld come and talk about their good relationships, how it worked out when they tot it wldnt, love testimonies, how tins are goin for them well abeg let somebody have hope small. As the bad are being broadcasted everyday here bring d good to light too.
ReplyDeleteBut wait o, if you cannot gossip
ReplyDeleteand gist and laugh with your
husband about gists on SDK blog
OR watch Tinsel and laugh at
Bimpe and Greg or Chuks and Eneh
OR visit Paris and Spain just by
yourselves to enjoy each other's
company...who will?????
Getting married to a man without
love , affection and friendship from the get
go is..... Dead on arrival.
Think, Look, Reason before you plunge.
my dear take a gallant walk out with your head high up. my soon to be ex-husband was the exact same and i still foolishly went ahead with the wedding because i was worried about what my family would say, it took eight years of MISERY, DETERIORATING HEALTH, NEGLECT AND ABUSE and not a care about what my parents, family or friends thought of my my action to pack my pangolo . one year after i'm still trying to make ends meet and manage my life with the two joys (sons) i brought of my dark room, but am i a better person YES, do i wish i left ages ago or never even married him all in the name of not shaming my family and been a MRS? ABSOLUTELY yes.MY darling look before you leap nat_apple@yahoo.com if you want to talk or need support.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine not laughing my head off with my husband. We laugh so hard. When we fight and make up we say how much we missed talking together. I would have been pretty misreable if I had a marriage where I'm ignored or made to feel less human just because the man feels women should be treated a certain way. You know what you want. Seek that which you want and if you insist he is the man you want to be with....its all up to you. Marriage will throw you a lot of curveballs...be sure you are with the one you can't stand together with and laugh through it all. XxXxx
ReplyDeleteI am female, and I called of a wedding in 2009, after the family intro had bin done, cus of incessant fighting, envy and bad family members on his part, and I do not regret it, even tho I am not married yet, I am happy and I av peace of mind. Call it off now
ReplyDeleteI no a lot of people here would advise you to leave but this from I left my man twice after engagement, though because of violence but he's married a new wife and am yet to have a bf @ almost 26, I think about him everyday, so unless u are sure you won't be sad when he moves on then you can leave. If my sister husband no dey again Oh
ReplyDeleteDnt leave u would regret it I did same Tin twice husband no dey again oh
ReplyDeleteI think he dose t love you, so run as fast as you could, how on earth would u even plan weddin with this kind of man! Break up now or end up in a doom of unhappiness. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteI wonder if everyone advising her to "take a walk" can actually follow through their own advice.
ReplyDeleteLeave a relationship at the first hint of trouble? No wonder the divorce rate in NIgeria keeps climbing.
Most women would say " ha, me I can not take that rubbish o. My husband sef knows he cannot try it" Lies! They take worse
Marriage is a school. You learn everyday. it requires compromise, empathy, understanding, patience and maturity.
Genuine laughter is a medicine to the soul. Since your husband is not a saddist but got erroneous impression about being too playful with your wife could lead to disrespect, before you enter into a LONG THING, tell your parents what you are presently going through because when you hide it from them, you will be misrable in that house and in no distant time, the inevitable will still happen.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, call off the wedding, if you know what loneliness is in marriage eh, you go run now, even borrow leg!
ReplyDeleteMine started off really good, we play, he takes off my plait sef and we did a lot together until about 2 years into marriage, this guy just flipped from one side of the coin to the other. When i'm watching telly, he will have excuse to stay in the room, if I come to the room, he will 2 minutes Later, disappear to the living room. He started finding my conversations boring, this guy will ignore me . I spoke to a friend and she said it might be stress from work, and advice I speak to him and be patient. I tried speaking to him, but he will just start shouting and cursing me out. I'm talking months! Gradually, month turned to a year and that in turn turned to years. I tried everything, name it. At some point, I asked if he was having an affair, who send me ask?? There was nothing he dint say to me. I told his big bro, and once they spoke, if u see as my husband vex say I tell him matter to "outsider" eh. .. my dear, intimacy became a problem cause was almost like a chore. All this while Once in 7 months or more, we have sex and me sabi catch ball, we had 2 kids, but by the 8th year, I had enough!! When I get back from work, I send the minder home, spend time with the kids and we go to bed meanwhile his back from work but in the room not wanting to be involved. I begged and cried and did all, he will just tell me I'm bothering myself over nothing say we no dey quarrel but he still won't speak to me. The last one was we were not intimate for 1 whole year even though we lived together . But he started sleeping in the sitting room with the excuse the bed hurts his back... my dear, the list was endless!! Me, I change my hair every 3 weeks, did all the things he used to love, I'm not over weight at all. And even with the kids, I get a lot of compliments from outside, so no, I did not let myself go. My dear after that last one, I told myself, can't stay here and be depressed with this situation. Told my family for the first time what was going on and I tell them say I no want advice, just letting them know I was leaving the marriage. My dad preach of endurance and this and that, I reminded him how up till now he and my mum play and mess about in the house. So my people, I ended my marriage after 8+ years the very day he slapped me!! That was the last straw!! and no regrets!! Was just before I left he started telling me he was sorry, he doesn't know what came over him, this and that mind you he said that before when I threatened to leave. But went back to his behaviour within 2 weeks. Like I said in an older post, this is just some of the problem because if I tell my story, e no go contain this post. But thank God for that step I took, better to be alone than in bad and unhealthy relationship. My kids growing and not seeing their parents play at all or even speak, wasn't healthy. He was emotionally tormenting me. He will intentionally forget my birthday or anniversary not even a happy mothers day!! But he will call his friends wife to wish them happy mothers day or send birthday wishes right in my present.. emotional torture!! My dear, needed to put my boys first, don't want to raise dysfunctional and emotionally crippled kids. Today I'm finding myself again, I'm happy, this is not about jumping into another relationship at all, I'm just happy looking after my kids and myself.I use to cry then that I didn't want a broken home, that was why he kept treating me like that. Told him he knows where I am if he wants to see the kids, He hasn't just yet, his loss. I'm getting stuff ready cause he has to pay child support, but to be honest even if he doesn't, my boys and I will be just fine..
All this na on top your post oo, trust me, you don't want to be married and lonely, it's a killer!
S.ockendon
Hello Poster, I called off mine just because of what you just said and I felt I couldn't cope and don't wish to suffer when I go ahead with it now am happy thou not in a relationship but happy with myself .so if you can stand the pains for a while you should decide its not easy thou but your happiness matters .don't worry about what people would say cos its same people that will crucify you so my blogger frd be wise and be happy.cheers
ReplyDeleteBut what are you waiting for? Call it off before you go mad.
ReplyDeletePoster,before you dry ur soul out with fasting and prayer,know that marriage is 80% physical and 20% spiritual. How would ur home be like without laughter and fun? Have you lmagine it? Even the stress and bitterness will hinder ur prayer life. You can't call off the wedding because of your family,are you marrying for your family or for you? By the time Mr.stone cold,frozen face/ heart husband rubs you of ur joy and laughter,family will not live with your to witness it o. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage as they say. Sit him down,discuss ur future,no.of kids,finances,v acation,ur fears etcnif he refuses to see reason,tell him you are calling it quits. You need laughter in ur life chica,the enviroment and the world we live in is already stressful..
ReplyDelete***Healing-rain***
Poster,before you dry ur soul out with fasting and prayer,know that marriage is 80% physical and 20% spiritual. How would ur home be like without laughter and fun? Have you lmagine it? Even the stress and bitterness will hinder ur prayer life. You can't call off the wedding because of your family,are you marrying for your family or for you? By the time Mr.stone cold,frozen face/ heart husband rubs you of ur joy and laughter,family will not live with your to witness it o. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage as they say. Sit him down,discuss ur future,no.of kids,finances,v acation,ur fears etcnif he refuses to see reason,tell him you are calling it quits. You need laughter in ur life chica,the enviroment and the world we live in is already stressful..
ReplyDelete***Healing-rain***
Thank you MOH, good advice. thing is, we only get to read one side of the story all the time but like we all know there are two sides to every story. You said you have tried to make things better ,question is.. How is your manner of appraoch? Do you genuinely want to better things or you just shove it unto his face?
ReplyDeleteEveryone tells story in a way that will make them feel good. You cant be a very nice person and he is behaving that way.
My advice: stop bringing your marital problems to blogs. learn to study your partners and follow and treat them accordingly. No one is perfect including your man.
Pls leave him
ReplyDeleteHe is not your husband. Cancel the wedding. The hand writing is on the wall madam. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. Apart from your in-laws that don't like you, his friends don't like you also, search yourself.
ReplyDeleteI don't think he loves you. If he did he would laugh, smile and play with you SPONTANEOUSLY even against his wish...love is an emotion that no one can put under such control. Call it off.
ReplyDeleteAm sorry Poster, you just have to make your decision yourself.
ReplyDeleteAm the luckiest and blessed girl to have met My soulmate, friend, every every...
That is our problem in Nigeria,we seems to please others rather do what is best for us.You do not want to call off the wedding bcouse of what people will say.The ball is in your court.Moreso,his mum will definetly be in control.
ReplyDeleteIt is a good thing you noticed this trait before you got married to him. I have been married for 14 years and I can tell you it is not easy being married. You have to work at it all the time. But I can also truthfully tell you my husband and I are like brother and sister and best friends. Most people who come in to our home can not believe how long we have been married because of the way we interact. My whole point is that, it is this attitude and communication that helps us at difficult times. My dear it is better not to get married than to live a sad life where you will waste years. This fellow sounds like one of those that will bring in a woman and tell you to go and make her food. What kind of life do you want to live? Watch while your hubby smiles and laugh with other people's women but not you? Soon you will be living in separate rooms (trust me, that is what breaks most marriages). If a man will not talk or play with you now, he will not change when you get married. I know someone who just divorced her husband after 2 kids and 11 years together for exactly what you complained about. Please my sister, marry your best friend, someone you can talk to, someone will involve you in all aspects of their life and include you in most activities if not all.
ReplyDeleteSisi
Madam, since ur wedding is in Nov, sit him down and table ur wahala. Watch his reaction and see. I think it's his Orientation that is twisted. He will or will never change. So be very open with him and hear him out. If he does not give 2 f+*ks abt u leaving, take these steps:
ReplyDelete1) dust ur shoes
2) start running
3) don't look back
4) keep running
5) keep running
6) keep running
7) still dey run dey go
8) stay a runner
In my opinion, divorce is not an option. So it's better u use ur head now. If u don't laugh, gist, mess, get angry,whine, gossip with ur husband, na my elder brother u want follow do am? Abeg do the needful.
Am Out!