Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Iya Ibeji Series - Broke, Childless And Unmarried

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Saturday, March 03, 2018

Iya Ibeji Series - Broke, Childless And Unmarried

As a young girl I had this lady from my hometown living in the same area with us, so she became our Aunty.






As at when I was in primary school she was already a babe and had suitors. I was too young to know her challenges, but then I got into the university and she was still unmarried.

My Aunty didn't have a university education but from when I can remember she has had her business and was doing very well.

One time I got back from school and she was complaining about her weight, she had gain so much weight and was still unmarried.

The only solution I could give her then was Quincy Herbal (remember her?) Few months later I was back home and she told me she had been to quincy and had spent over 80k (my mouth dropped) 80k in the year 1999 was a lot of money and the worst part was I didn't see any weight drop.

She asked me if she had slimmed down after stammering a bit I said yes but not too much. I had to encourage her after all I made her pay all that money.

Now I was much older and like everyone else all I started being worried about Aunty's single status, because we knew she desired to get married.
And because we were not age mates at all I couldn't ask her. 

I asked my mum and she told me aunty was dating a Doctor, but the challenge was she was spending too much, she said she was helping the doctor build a hospital and pure water factory. The family felt she had been Jazzed, but I saw how happy she was been engaged to a Doctor you know her not being too educated and having a doctor husband was a major for her.

Anyway Doctor scammed her, the building of hospital and pure water factory was a scam.
Let me spare the details, but her business never recovered from that incident.
Years later I got married had children and was visiting my mom's, I was in the room when she came I couldn't go and see her condition always leave me teary.
She had become old and somehow.

She was complaining to my mom about a lot of things but she said something that broke my heart and still does.

She said people say all these bad things don't happen to one person but they have all happened to her.
She said she was childless , Broke and Unmarried.
When she left I went to the living room and sat down with my mom, mom asked if I heard and I nodded and we both sat in silence.

66 comments:

  1. The worst thing that can ever happen to someone is when you're broke, single and without any child. I pray God console her




    *Larry was here*

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    1. You can say that again!!! I have someone in the same situation, anytime I remember her I will just be unhappy. I do help her with the little I can do sha. May God comfort all people in such situation.

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    2. It will be well one day soon

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    3. Makes me really sad. I have an Aunt like that. And she was so pretty when I was young.

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  2. Life! It is well

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  3. So sad! May the Lord meet her at the point of her need.

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  4. So sad! May the Lord meet her at the point of her need.

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  5. Heya,that is so sad
    She must be very lonely
    May God comfort her

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  6. It is well. May God console her

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  7. Why do women lose their sense of reasoning when "marriage" is mentioned.
    Why not build the hospital and factory after marriage and in your name?

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    1. Pray never to be desperate or in her shoes.
      When some ppl are in love they loose all sense of reasoning. Especially if they feel that man is their only hope to marriage and having kids.

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  8. So sad, may she find peace in the Lord.

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  9. So sad may God grant her heart desire..

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  10. And this is a disadvantage how? Broke? Shes been feeding and living cos God got her
    Childless.. It doesn't take marriage to be a mum, so its a mata of choice for her,
    Marriage doesnt complete you!! You complete you. Pls stop the mourning already, nobody die.

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  11. BEYONCE HAND πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘3 March 2018 at 13:36

    this is the case of my aunty (my mother's younger sister) it is heart breaking honestly I told my mother before she became broke to encourage her to adopt a child but she never did. I don't like her visiting me anymore it breaks my heart and I can't help it either. woman should be wise don't use your to support a man that is not married to you please. #my2cent

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    1. They won't agree oh. Adoption ke? They will say you called them barren and you're praying for them never to be happy in a man's house. You will now be the bad person. It's better to pray for them from afar and ask God to help them

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    2. I dont know why it seems almost everyone in such situation hate adoption!! The aunt I talked about
      πŸ–•there also refused adoption!!! Instead...she is blaming everybody except herself for her present situation.

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  12. Hmmm.... i know soemone like this too. My mother has begged her to let go of the past and it was now as if we were bad people. In such cases, I think they need to accept responsibility for some of the things that have happened to them.

    Firstly, not going to school was not anyone's fault but hers. When money started coming, that should have been priority - even if it's part time. Education would have helped her make better decisions. People say 'who education epp'. Well, I tell them to go and ask coscharis why he had to go back to learn reading and writing while he was one of the biggest automobile merchants in Nigeria.

    Secondly, didn't anyone advice her to do her due diligence when she was spending on that guy? Who doesn't know that these guys scam? Back to point one... her lack of education made her feel inferior.

    Thirdly, her weight could be managed by working out and eating right. Not drinking concoctions and complaining. It's a deliberate choice. At least she would be more attractive to a man that will put her belle make she born.

    All I can say is it's never too late to pick your life up again. However, there are principles to follow and she can start from somewhere.

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    1. Chikito, that's where some people go astray in life.

      No good adviser!
      Maybe, if someone had called her and talk some sense into her while she was spending on the bobo, she might have given it a second thought.
      Though, she might have not listen oohhh, but like I keep telling people, don't keep quiet when you see someone making a mistake that could destroy that person.

      Some

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    2. Chikito, that's where some people go astray in life.

      No good adviser!
      Maybe, if someone had called her and talk some sense into her while she was spending on the bobo, she might have given it a second thought.
      Though, she might have not listen oohhh, but like I keep telling people, don't keep quiet when you see someone making a mistake that could destroy that person.

      Sometimes, people tend not to know they are going astray until someone calls them to order.

      *I dunno what is wrong with this phone again.

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    3. You're right! It's still a very dicey situation because when you seem to always look out for people they tend to feel you're a 'know-it-all'. So even when you might be giving golden advice, they brush it off. I mean, some people might defend their actions like.... 'I'm just gonna mind my business cos I don't want trouble' and we can't fault them either.

      Many people don't take criticism or advice very well. They only do what's on their mind.

      Like i have a relative in a similar situation ( she's got a great job though - but what if I tell you she's never been abroad before? Yup! She's been a banker since I was in primary school). But she's like always calling my folks to nag about who told her this and that about herself. When she lived with us years ago, my mum tried talking to her about her appearance cos some neighbours had tried to bring it up with my mum (out of concern, cos these neighbours were all older women and grandmothers with husbands who had retired successfully). She took offence and stopped greeting them in the estate. When she heard one died, she was literally celebrating cos of what the woman asked my mum to talk to her about. And this same appearance is still upside down till today cos of stinginess to self. Then she will be complaining that suitors 'this and that'. But for God's sake! You have money to look a certain way, you dont have kids, you're and only child and your mother's pension is heavy that she even dashes you money sometimes. Why not just take care of it, especially as you're not ugly? No oh! She's okay and the whole world is wrong. This thing has even affected her career as they cant promote her to some levels cos of the people she might meet looking the way she does - scattered. If not, the career for don explode by now. When HR brought it up, she thretened to resign too and sue them. Na so them apologize. Alright, we dey sidon look nau.

      Now won't those old women and the HR people rather prefer to mind their business concerning her?

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    4. These kind of people don't take advice oh, they rather make you their number one enemy.

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    5. Thank you@ anonymous 14:01. Was advising a friend recently on same. She's pretty, fit and still trying to sort herself post NYSC and the men are pouring from the woodwork but she's on a 'I don't need just anyone' train. Good for her, but it's always best to make hay when the sun's brightest lest you settle later.. especially now guys tend to be marrying earlier.
      Age, even medically, doesn't favour anyone, women especially because of reproduction and other risks.
      #nuffsaid

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    6. It is never too late for anyone I had an aunt like that but the God of 11th hour came thru for her. She was 58 single and broke but a widower with very rich kids came and married her, my aunt turn to big woman overnight the man's children fell in love with her because of the way she was taking care of their father. God blessed her overnight with not just a husband but with children and grandchildren.So it's never too late for anyone

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  13. This is indeed sad. That is why i take out time to council young girls I come across wanting to settle down. Because I almost made same mistake. In my university days and even while working. I had so many men approach me. I felt I was beautiful,had a good job etc. Though I dated some but I was extremely picky. My future hubby has to be tall,rich,drop dead georgeous,his parents should be wealthy,had to speak queens english,he must be this or that. The few I even dated I felt didn't have my specifications,the one I found that had all my qualities broke my heart majorly.
    As 35 started approaching I had to re-evaluate my life and tell my self the way I am going my enemy may become unmarried,old and childless.
    At this point so many married men were approaching me because guys 35 and above were almost all married.
    I finally met a guy at 35,he was very cute,doing okay,not rich,i was even earning more but the parents were wealthy,no queens English, he had a thick igbo accent,but he loved me. I took that opportunity and married him,even though I earned more. We are married today with kids.
    And I feel sad when I read today's story because so many women end up like this.
    In the quest to find the perfect man,we loose out by being too picky. By the time a lady reaches 37 upwards,almost all men her age are married. You begin to see only married men are approaching you. Meanwhile in your younger years so many suitors have come and gone.
    I feel bad for this poster. But let this also serve as a lesson to younger girls. Now you have your youth,even if you find a guy that isn't to your standard and rich but is hard-working and has potential. Please give it a try,don't wait to enter 40. Become desperate and men start scaming you because they can see your desperation for marriage.

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    1. Some ladies also select tribe. They don't want a particular tribe either because their parents oppose it or personal reason. They will not get a good man from their preferred tribe and religion thereby become aunty gwegwegwe.
      That was how my friend's parents insisted that she married from their tribe and also a Catholic man. She rejected so many suitors back then becos of this.
      She later met a man from her tribe and a Catholic whom her parents liked, the man impregnated her, Did introduction and dumped her after introduction. She gave birth and was abandoned in the hospital by the man and his family. Her mum went and brought her home.
      After so many years and seeing that she was becoming a gwegs in her 30s, she married an older man who is a Muslim widower. A konk Muslim with a konk Muslim name. She was a Catholic.

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    2. So 30s is now gwegs? So the parents that were selecting tribe now allowed her marry Moslem now she is after one.
      Alot of igbo girls have lost out on good husband due to this tribe of a thing. E.g my close friend that waw my chief bridemaid. I am igbira from kogi and my husband is from Anambra.

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  14. Always try to have children before it is too late. I don’t care with who, once you are over 40. Find someone sharp sharp, get pregnant, if possible the same man twice and face your life

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    1. Issoryt, go and have a child with a mad man na.

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    2. They should have a child/children even when they don't have the financial means to train a child? You smoke cannabis?
      Is it a child or marriage that will make their life to be meaningful?
      Later if they come here to claim single mum and beg, you will be the first person to bash them and call them names. Ewu

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    3. Relax i am sure she is talking about the over 40 ladies that are financially secure.
      Na so my immediate boss do, she is about 42 and no serious relationship. We just saw her with pregnancy all of a sudden.
      No one knows father of the child but we were all happy for her. Even when we went to visit her and child dedication. No papa in sight. But her family supported her.
      She's living her life with her beautiful baby girl. Na children be the koko. Not every woman go marry.

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    4. Choi!
      Angry gwegs on the loose

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    5. Abuse that BV all you want, when you get older you’ll understand that it’s children that’s the Koko. Even more than marriage. Much more than marriage in fact

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  15. #People ignore truths for temporary happiness*

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  16. I will be 39 by August this year, single and never been married or birthed a child. Met a med doctor who claimed he loves me but wouldn't want to have a child with me because he wouldn't want an imbecile due to my age. He is not married, he is very very single. I have told him to move on with his life while I move on with mine.

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    1. God will give you your own hubby and kids,The doc is a fool,maybe he doesn't have sperm. Oloshi somebody

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    2. A medical doctor talking like an illiterate. You are better off without him pls. How much does med doc even earn now,especially those working in Luth.
      Pls don't loose hope. I have a cousin that got married at 38,got pregnant immediately and had I first son at 39 and he is the most beautiful and smart baby. She is pregnant at 41 with the second child now.
      Keep praying and pls you must socialize, if you live in a good area join a gym or jogg around your area or join a social club. Don't just seat home and expect a man to appear. My cousin met her husband at a baby dedication. He was a single 40 year old man. Good luck

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    3. Aunty, reason sperm bank if you can afford to train child alone. Build a family, man or no man.

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    4. Imbecile ke? Na him go born imbecile, leave him ma dear.

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    5. He must be very stupid. We've cases where married women even giving birth to their last child at above 40,and they're never imbecile




      *Larry was here*

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    6. Aww,so sorry dear and who told him you would birth an imbecile? Is he God? My aunt had her last son at the age of 44,she was through with child bearing, the pregnancy came unexpectedly,but she couldn't abort it! Now that boy is a man and he's the most handsome and intelligent of all her kids,very sound academically and keeps winning awards! A child she had at 44! She keeps thanking God everyday for him,and regrets when she was crying during his pregnancy days..it is well sis,God go give you your own. #hugs#

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    7. That man is very stupid nonsense

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    8. Whaaat? He's a fool. Dump him!

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    9. Very stupid medical doctor. Probably why he remained single. He is odd. Though to be fair many Drs don't advice getting preggy 40 onwards.

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  17. I feel for her. The worstmistake ahe made is not going to school. It made her self esteem low.

    Loosing that weight will be hard. She gained it as a result of depression.

    She shoukd pick up the piecea of her life and star all over again. It's not the end

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  18. Chai! I feel her pains.
    If she had had money now she could have at least adopted or have a child of her own. It's not appropriate to be broke and still bring a child into this world to come suffer with you.
    It is well.

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  19. Its well, My Aunty is in her 50s now.
    I know marriage is everything, but its painful when you desire it and it isn't coming.

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  20. The challenges of women are just many. May God remember her...

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  21. God can still rewrite her story.

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  22. Anon 14:48, that ur doc boyfriend is a big mumu for telling u dt. Please flee away from him. My sister at 43 just had a cute healthy baby. I could go on and on to mention many others. What abt d younger ladies dt are giving birth to deformed or challenged children? Stella even posted one earlier. Yes older age is a risk factor for some of those things but currently nutrition and other factors are helping to reduce some of the risks. But he shouldn't be telling u did kind of mean thing for God sake He's just not interested and he wants u to think it's ur fault. Wicked man. Don't even allow dt bother u at all

    Back to d post. I honestly don't know how our merciful God will feel sha o but for me I think any unmarried aunty that is having sex either for pleasure or to satisfy one lie lie boyfriend can equally go ahead n have a baby if she can cater for d child or has any form of support to avoid being forever childless. God forgive me o

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  23. Even in our unfaithfulness, He remains faithful. May this lady receive divine visitation in Jesus name. Dooh

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  24. Aunty Agnostic3 March 2018 at 17:48

    Must she marry or have children? I noticed Nigerians would rather pity a single, childless woman who has her life together than a jobless, hungry, unhappy "childful" woman. I am just curious is there no woman in Nigeria that does not want to marry or have children. I always felt like the odd one out! Right from the age of 15 I didn't want marriage or kids. I find it strange that I haven't found ONE Nigerian woman that feels this way. Before I left Nigeria at my young age I always felt so alone. It is as if Nigerian women are brainwashed into thinking they can only be happy and joyful if they marry and have kids. I think we need to raise the girl child to see marriage and child bearing as optional. We need to inform the women that their lives are as fulfilling with or without a child. Marriage and children can never and would never fulfill a person. Why is everyone pitying her because she is unmarried and childless?? I rather pity her because she had so much time to do so much and wasted it hoping for marriage and children. I pity her because she doesn't have money that she could use to live a comfortable life and impact lives of others. it is highly improbable that there isn't any Nigerian woman like me. Parents need to start teaching their kids that there is fulfillment outside coupleship and offspring. I would continue searching for them, they must be out there.

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    1. @ Aunty Agnostic, you are one in a million and you've hit the nail on the head; based on your clear response it's obvious you know yourself; even more, you've learnt to do you and not follow the maddening crowd. Trust there are more like you though a negligible minority who are turning the tide for the better for themselves and posterity. I STAND WITH YOU.

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    2. It will be hard for you to find your pair because many of us were brought up as females to expect marriage and kids. From young age your mother even trains you to become a wife. Learning how to cook and clean while our brothers are playing foot ball. I really have no problem with a woman who doesnt want marriage/kids if she knows herself enough and is ready to damn society. More grease to their elbow if their happiness comes from other things beside marriage.
      As for me no matter how successful I was at my job I know I needed love,someone to share life with. My job was and it's still very important to me. I want my own identity,my own goals, my own achievements. I don't just want to be so and so's wife. Friendship/socializing with friends is also important to me. I need to have fun and still maintain friendship and my identity as a singular human being, want to have the liberty to also have and spend my own money.
      And lastly kids are the most important thing in marriage to me. Until you experience the love a child gives you which is indescribable, you can't really get it.
      I really do feel for those that don't experience motherhood. Because marriages don't always last forever. But a bond between a child and mother never ends.
      If a woman is over 40 and no marriage. But find yourself someone to procreate it. Husband can still come later.

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    3. Aunty Agnostic, though I am not agnostic, I agree with you whole heartedly. Na wa ooo, the pressure on Naija women to marry and birth kids nor be here, hian!

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    4. Yes oh!
      With so many poverty stricken, broke ass women and their suffering children begging all over the place, and yet they will still be laughing and mocking at single, successful, independent, fulfilled and happy women who have their lives together and not a burden or object of play for any man or family, and community.

      I say it that I am happy to remain single, and die with enough money in the bank and cash to adequately meet all my needs, than have children and be begging and turn into object of play for other human beings to be kicking about.

      Sorry, i don't jealous married women and their children and I don't wish to be anyone like them...oh! At least I sleep soundly at night and snore happily not worrying about any husband and man and children or family that will abandon and reject to take care of me. I have enough pension and retirement money now to last me even till the age of 200 yrs old. And I am a Canadian citizen with many options and many choices of good retirement plans for my old age. So, I don't need any one to worry for me or become their burden!!!

      I love me, me and myself alone!!!

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    5. Anon 4:58 — It is your life and your choice! But don’t make it sound like it is a better choice! You also come off as selfish and somewhat arrogant. Live your life but my dear, there is a special kind of love a person feels as a parent- it is indescribable and you can’t understand it until you actually experience it!! You cannot know what you are missing until you experience it... but good luck on your retirement home plan!

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  25. It is well with women of all ages

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  26. Chai. Painful story but she may be under some circumstances beyond her.
    Principalities and Powers is real force.

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