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Sunday, December 12, 2021


''This write-up is about keeping secrets or certain information about your life, past or present away from your partner. Lots of us have had our fair share of horrible past and still have “live” skeletons in our cupboards which we still feed till this day'':


“So, your wife does not know you smoke up till now?”, I queried.

“How will she know, abi you wan go tell her?”, he responded smilingly sheepishly while taking another drag from his cigarette.

Of course, I won’t tell his wife. It’s not even my business in the first place. But how he has been able to keep that part of his lifestyle from his wife of over six years is a mystery I haven’t been able to figure out.

This write-up isn’t about smoking. I personally dont have any issues with smoking; medical, religious or otherwise. I have even dated a lady that smokes before. She hid it from me for months. The day I found out was when we went clubbing. After she had taken a couple of shots of tequila, she couldn’t hold back the urge of taking cigarette.

More recently, I have dated a young lady that sporadically takes “weed” to relax. I was cool with her.

This write-up is about keeping secrets or certain information about your life, past or present away from your partner. Lots of us have had our fair share of horrible past and still have “live” skeletons in our cupboards which we still feed till this day.

If our partners were to know about such information, it will definitely alter the trajectory of our marriages significantly. At the point when we decide to marry or while dating, people are often at the crossroads of what they should tell their partners about their past or if they will be fully open about their previous lives or a nagging bad habit or pervasion that they seem to enjoy but won’t be pleasant to their partner.

A colleague of mine once abandoned his marriage plan to a lady after she told him she is a lesbian. I won’t even talk about women that are married to gay men who won’t come out of the closet to their wives. We know of cases of our colleagues who had children outside wedlock but didn’t tell their wives. We all had to play along with the program. 

Nobody wants to break a happy marriage.

So, why keep such secrets from your partner if your truly love them? Is it a good thing to keep certain information away from your partner especially if such information will have certain medical or health effect on them? What will happen to the trust when such secrets finally come out?

My answer to these questions is simple. Any information or secret about your life; past or present that will not add value or edify the relationship, DO NOT REVEAL IT.

If he or she doesn’t need to know, don’t tell them. 

No matter how mentally stable your partner may seem, or how understanding or spiritual balanced you think they are; it’s not every thing you need to tell. It is simple wisdom. People may even tend to forgive or assume they have forgotten. But when something happens in the future, they will remember.

While dating, I promptly told my wife I don’t want to hear any of her secrets. I don’t need to know. Her body counts, who she dated, what she did in the university, whatever habits she may have had or her so-called family secrets...I don’t need to know and I don’t want to hear it. The same goes for mine.

Even after years of marriage; when she asks certain questions, I just simply tell her “You don’t need to know”. Initially she used to get angry and cause issues when I make such comments. But experience has taught her lessons. There were certain information I unwillingly told her which affected her but what has been heard cannot be unheard. Now she has learnt her lesson.

The same goes for me, when she says the same to me. I don’t bother pressing further.

People go to great lengths and try so hard to keep certain things about their lives secret. Why go digging or looking for them. If the marriage or relationship is doing well and you are both happy; then why go looking for “dirts”. 

Before you go digging, always ask yourself what you are going to do with that information. Can you handle it?

My two kobo opinion to wrap this up...

Most times, trust is overrated. You can only trust people to the extent that you know them. I once chatted with a woman who was boasting about her husband, about how she trusts him. I asked her a simple question, “if your husband should cheat on you, will you still trust him?”

She continued about her she knows her husband and believes in him 100% that he cannot cheat. I insisted she answers the question. Her answer eventually was “No”. This simply means that the level of trust and her confidence were based on what she knows and how she feels about her husband.

My point is, if you trust your partner, trust them. Don’t go doubting them until you get other facts. If you believe your partner is a good person, live with that opinion until information tells you otherwise. Stop auditing and checkmating your partner because you are looking for something.

If the relationship is good and everything is going well, why not enjoy it while it last instead of looking for what is not looking for you.

Don’t go thinking that if you tell your partner knows certain things about you past, he/she will love you better. That’s an illusion. Trust is such a fickle thing. People will trust who they want to trust regardless of what they know. 

My wife has always suspected that I was cheating even in times when I wasn’t. But since she didn’t have any evidence, she always assumed I’m a faithful husband. Does that mean if I tell her the truth that she will trust me better? You already know the answer.

Lastly, contrary to what lots of people think, most men are very poor managers of information and secrets. Because of their egos and security issues, sharing info with any man about your past is something I won’t encourage. Especially if has to with your past s#xual and social life, there are very few men who would accept the fact that your body count is in the two-digits before they married you or that you were into drugs and other stuffs.

Yea, I know it’s not fair on the women. But it is what it is. The world has always been skewed towards favoring the men. Feminist can go figure.

Though for some of us, it won’t count for anything but not knowing about it will make us feel better. So, keep your secret. If it is such a burden that the guilt is killing you, talk to a counselor or your priest or whoever you feel like to ease your burden. But not your partner.

However, if it’s something that will be detrimental to the survival of your marriage, you can go ahead and spill. But there are no guarantees that your partner will be understanding enough. Just be ready for all possibilities and consequences of spilling.

That being said...I’m sure you all want to know my body count...I will tell you that “secret” in the future. #shinningmyteeth#

Compliments of the season.



  1. The only thing I saw was a married man wrote " more recently I have dated a woman who sporadically takes weed.".

    1. 🤣🤣🤣 had to laugh out loud.

    2. I tell you.I was surprised reading that from him because he has said many times that he no more cheat on his wife.That cheating for him is a thing of past but again "recently ".


    3. My dear, I thought it was my eye
      Oga just practice open marriage and rest.
      I don't even care about what you wrote

    4. Lmao @Varey B,the thing no tire you? It's the audacity for me sha

    5. Lol they're coming for him 😂

    6. How I laughed when I saw that line eh. This guy no rate us at all. He no send ANG and ***. The guy na werey lol, come for him at your own peril. This is not a laughing matter though but I found it funny.

    7. I was really looking forward to your piece. But, this write up is soooo annoying!!!
      You seem to be boasting about your cheating escapades. Continue feeding your "live" skeletons!!! Nonsense!
      Very annoying unrepentant cheat!

    8. Yours is a community tool.
      Now I join several persons here who feel sorry for your wife.
      Your impunity is quite appalling.

  2. Please I have issues with smoking; medical issues.
    In every pack it is written "smokers are liable to die young...lung cancer" etc. How won't there be issues with that?
    don't you know that passive smokers; kids, spouses are also getting all the carcinogens?
    No child or spouse wants their partner or parent to get cancer and die or see them suffer.
    A smoker endangers his life and that of his family. And what conscience will you use to approach God to ask for healing when you cut your life short. And in medical research, we know that people who smoke are likely to be alcoholics. And due to the tolerance to cigarettes, they are likely to go up to marijuana and to other hard drugs.
    Search and read medical literatures and find out.
    What is the benefit of such a vain and harmful adventure.
    A person is a slave to whatever have mastered that person and until we recognize that such a person need
    to be saved from his/her captors, it is just a vain exercise in hypocritical dressing of a gaping, fatal wound.

  3. Did you say; "not spoiling a happy marriage?" Huh
    How can there be happiness with "live skeletons" in the closets inside same house?😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
    And you and your friends "played along" to conceal "reserve families" of your friends? Wow!
    How are we sure that you too do not have "reserve families?"
    Your values and that of your friends are too warped,
    vain and weird. How will any of you feel if your wives also have "spare kids" that you did not know about; meaning
    she tactfully hid that and kept raising them?
    Is the Scriptures not to "do to others as you will like them do to you?"
    Supposing your friend's fiancee had hidden from him that she is a lesbian
    and he married her, how about that?
    Please choose where to belong because, I still get
    confused by the arrant hypocrisy that you espouse in your writings.

    1. Thank you o
      You carry skeleton put for closet all by yourself then you expect peace of mind and happiness...okay o

  4. Any information or secret about your life; past or present that will not add value or edify the relationship, DO NOT REVEAL IT. .....Noted.

    As per your body count.. we don't want to know. Thank you.

    1. His body count is a public toilets traffic count.
      Very annoying indeed

  5. If woman do abortion at a younger age with complications and the womb no dey again, make she keep that one as secret from the husband? 🤔

    1. If a man has a child outside, he should keep the inform from the wife until his burial date abi?

      If a man has hiv he should also keep it away from his wife until he infects her too, because it's not adding anything to the happiness of the marriage 🤣

      Poster, come and ans o

  6. I disagree with most of your write up.
    If you know you have a past,it's best you tell your partner because nobody knows what tomorrow will bring.
    We have had cases of men who had kids outside of marriage and their wives never knew till they died and some one from no where will come and drag what you and your husband both struggled to get.
    Mindsets like this is the reason I insisted our children's name should be on every property else I will not be involved in any inch,because humans can sometimes be funny.
    I am an open person,who believes if you can't take me the way I am then I will not go ahead with the union.
    Yes,in if trust is broken it can never be gotten back,that's why it's good to make consious effort to always make the right decision to avoid bringing your partner pain.

    1. TENTH, I AGREE WITH YOU 10000%. We have cases of men with kids outside marriage or women with birth complication.. etc... It makes no sense to hide your pass for potential partners. Parties must put their past on the table before they decide to marry or date. If you can't handle the past, just simply move on to the next. I don't know why people think they can't find someone that is comfortable with their past or imperfection...Geeeezzz that's who you are supposed to marry NOT the one that you lied or hid your past from...Be comfortable in your skin..You wonder why people are in loveless situation or can't connect with their partner later.. If you know what you like or don't like, tell your partner from day1...You would be surprised what your partner will do or say. The right partner will be deterred by your past..

    2. will not be deterred******

  7. You didn't want to hear her secrets because you have yours too and you definitely would rather not share. So basically make everybody dey their dey. Lmao

    1. Don't mind the 'over-smart' man!

  8. It's better to tell me than I find out letter or from.somone else

  9. Oga so you still dey cheat?
    That part where you tell your spouse / lover "you don't need to know about that jnfo" I don't just like to hear that. Atleast say it in a more acceptable way.
    Anyway I think not all secrets are meant to come to the open when it comes to relationship/marriage.
    But then some need to be told and discussed. What if they get to know later it better be a secret that is mostly harmless or irrelevant at the moment.

  10. If the truth is said to set one free, that means the lie would keep you in bondage,. You're only decieving yourself with this post Bros. Cos at the end nothing stays hidden for ever, and what makes it worse when it's finally out is the lies and deceit you made during the pendency of hiding such 'secret' and hoping you take it to the grave.
    Is like you didn't learn any lesson from Kunle's esq post yesterday.. most people who tell the other person that they don't want to know their past think they're being smart only to later find out they played themselves.. that's how one girl used that line when her husband, then fiance said they should discuss the past, he wanted to use the opportunity to open up about his past life as a notorious cultist, madam think say na her sex life him won know, she no won open up about her past abortions and dating married men, na so she say make them leave the past for where he day. Oga sef lock up. After marriage she found out how notorious he was in the past, there were even allegations of rape, murder and what not, she come dey feel manipulated.. ode..

    No matter how fast and long you run, the past is just a step behind, you'll keep running until you accept it as what make up your present then you'll be free, untill then you'll keep living in bondage.

    Everyone has certain things that's their limits, some can't date an 'ex' ashawo, same with those that cannot date or marry an ex armed robber, don't decieve/ manipulate them into it with the nonsense keeping of the past on the past, if they love you genuinely, they'll accept your past, appreciate your openness and the relationship foundation would be solid.. most of you that support this whole secret things are still engaged in these shameful 'past' you'll claim to keep behind. This is how being with a lying and deciever for a partner begin.. I don see them well well.. if only some wifes/husbands really know their real partner, they would have enjoyed their marriage more..

    Like this your friend hiding his smoking habit which would still be out someday, that means he has to find an excuse to go out more so he can smoke, this means he'll spend lesser time at home, he'll spend more money hanging out to indulge in the habit, invest in perfumes, while hanging out he'll met karashikas that he'll want to chill with, na so marriage don scatter finish..


    1. You can still surprise me sha.

    2. Well done for this analysis 👏

  11. Recently? Well you are also keeping a secret if you have not confessed that recent cheating to your wife.

  12. Replies
    1. Very speechless that someone could be confident enough to spew all this trash.

  13. While I understand you Mr writer. I am inclined to disagree with the manner of delivery. Don't get me wrong I'm a fan of your write up, I look forward to it, but today the delivery was too narrow.
    I for one does not believe that there's a secret that can be hidden forever, chances are the other party already suspected or knows but wondering what to do with the information. Or didn't put much into it, or didn't think it mattered at the point in time. It's better you had suggested before divulging a perceived "secret" one should first understand the capacity of their partners to accommodate the magnitude of what is to be divulged. Agreed there might be some element of irreconcilable impairment with most men at dealing with the volume of information their female partners gives out. But is it not better to live through a relationship with a clear conscience than to live with one without inner peace. Often panicking, wondering when they'd eventually get to know.
    Beside my idea of secret is known only by oneself about one's past. Not what I shared with one or two others.

    What I know is that most men can't handle the information coming off the lips of a woman, some do. But the reverse is the case with women, as men have deeper issues with forgiveness.

    Nevertheless, another good write up with many unanswered questions. Unarguably your write ups stir controversy, and that is a unique style which would have had more effect if you can involve more of your personal experiences. Forget the criticism, nobody holy pass. Well done Sir, looking forward to next Sunday's issue.

  14. Your body count should be in three digits 🤔

  15. This is so true. My husband asks me most times what my body count is. I always say I dated 2 people before I married him. Yes truly, I genuinely dated 2people, but it doesn't mean I didn't have anything to do with other people. It's better that way. Poster, so you're still cheating? These PHC rig men no go keep person 😃


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