Hmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SERIOUS ADVICENEEDED
I am a missionary and my wife and I live in different countries and see each other at least once a year.
Last time when we saw each other we argued alot and slept in separate beds for the better part of our stay together and she was being distant and reluctant to s#x.
I’m planning on going to see her soon but for some weird reasons I’m worried she’s seeing someone else, although I have no proof.
I’m planning on going to see her soon but for some weird reasons I’m worried she’s seeing someone else, although I have no proof.
We will be expecting s#x from each other, and I think I should protect myself. How should I suggest the use of condom to her now especially as I doubt if she is actually being totally faithful....
Why are you going there to waste your time when you cannot even confront her with your accusations? This malicious slander just because she refused to give you gbenshing.....
You dont need to look for reasons, tell her it is because you think she is gbenshing someone else...
What kind of marriage is it that you see once a year? Please get a divorce cos you are both married to yourselves and the time apaprt is enough reason to cheat if her hormones are high oh....
The marriage cannot work like this please....And if you are right about her cheating, please divorce her cos this is not a marriage...
She is not having xes with you means she is giving it to someone else, even tho you don't have proof. Wehdone eh
ReplyDeleteUncle you are not in a marriage. What do you mean by you see once a year? Why can your wife not join you wherever you sir. Let me not lie to your your wife is gone. Why are you guys still staying together so as to be said to be married. The one year arrangement deserves a divorce in my opinion.
DeleteOga Missionary, its like her sex hormone don dry kpatakpata.
DeleteOnce a year? Chai
You have no business staying married with someone who you do not trust. The foundation of every relationship is trust, loyalty and respect. You obviously do not have them for your wife thus, treating her like “agwuna agwuna”. Better divorce ooo you guys are living a lie lie life.
ReplyDeleteWho sleeps with their wife with a condom?
Poster 1 question please, can you swear with your life say you no dey knack any other woman Can you?
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Dear Poster, Stella's points are valid.....the distance from both of you and lack of communication is giving rise to accusations and assumption....
ReplyDeleteThe devil is in the detail of your writeup.. You see yourselves once in a year...How long have you been married? When did you start your missionary work? Was it immediately after you married? If yes, o wrong on all levels..Even the Bible gave instructions for newly weds not to go into war but be with their newly wedded wife.
You don't even want to communicate and find out but to act on your assumptions, you will male the whole situation worse...
Can you take a break from your missionary? Decide to make your marriage work and spend time and communicate with your wife...you are not being fair at all to her....Seeing you just once in a year? Have some emotional intelligence...if she assumes that you were not there for missionary and serving other men, how will you feel?
It is obvious both of you didn't plan the marriage or the expectations from both of you were clearly understood or you both are not even ready for marriage at all...
My advice: Put a break to your missionary work and come back home to your wife, start on a clean slate to woo, date her and establish an understanding and communication...Act like newly wedded couples.... Give it time, you won't see immediate changes in her.. Apologise to her and decide the way forward of the future of your marriage.....Discover and explore yourselves
All the best
**servicing other women, how would you feel?**
Delete**or the expectations from both of you were clearly misunderstood
Fear the God that u serve, are you totally faithful to her? Apart from when you meet once a year, do you hold urself n not have sex wt other women until u meet ur wife? I said fear God ooh.
ReplyDeleteWell, this blog really reaches all sorts of folks. I never expected a missionary to be one of the regulars.
ReplyDeleteOnly you know why you have the feelings that you do. If sex was barely part of the last visit then I don’t see why there would be an expectation now, did you mend your broken fences? Your doubts may be valid, why not use this meeting to test the temperature of the marriage? Do more dates and talking and see if the magic is still there, look into her eyes you will know if her heart still beats for you.
I would not be as concerned with intimacy if infidelity was suspected. Too many diseases out there, many which are very hard to treat or cannot be treated. Just arrive a day or two ahead of what you arranged for surprise and you can see what is on ground, hopefully you have a key to the home.
His wife may be having the same thought about him too hence why she's refusing him sex.
DeleteCOMMUNICATE! Poster.
Communication..talk to Ur wife
ReplyDeleteYour family is your primary mission. What do you mean you see your wife once a year? Is that a temporary arrangement or that's the way it's going to be for the rest of your lives?
ReplyDeleteHow can you be away from your woman for so long? In the name of being a missionary?
ReplyDeleteOnce in a year? God is not wicked now. You are either married or not? Did you agree on this before getting married? Marriage is for companionship.
Does this mean you are having sex with someone else since yiubare not having either her?
ReplyDeleteThose who cheat often think their partner may do the same given the same situation.
that means you too you are not faithful to her, you did not mention that part but since you assumed she is doing it you too may be doing same thing. You both need to sitdown and talk this over, once a year is too much to stay apart someone you love. You did not even think of how she is feeling that you left her that long to be all by herself , plus you may no be giving her full attention yet you have the heart to suspect she is cheating on you.
ReplyDeleteYou should have relocated your family from day to your current location and allow the poor woman enjoy her home. Did you both agreed on this missionary work before you traveled or you she said nope from day but you went ahead to ignore her? She may have fallen out of love if you did not carry her along, you need to get her back on track if that is the case.
I will ask you to come around, have your test done before meeting with her and keep your result. Discuss all your fears with her in a lovely dinner outing. Take sex off the matter for now but work on winning her heart over so that she can be free and open to discuss issues why she has been acting up. That way you will be able to confirm your assumptions.
Being a missionary is tasking and been apart is also too tempting with suspicion ,please talk with her heart to heart and solve the issue don't allow her to fall under temptation.
ReplyDeleteOga missionary isonu,it's your imagination playing wild. I don't like baseless accusation and even going to act on it.🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, Stella is right poster.
ReplyDeleteI wonder which kind of missionary work takes you away from your wife for a whole year when it is clearly written in the Bible that the three reasons God ordained marriage for are:
ReplyDeletea) For companionship
b) To avoid sins of the flesh
c) For procreation.
You both have clearly failed in fulfilling the two major reasons (an and b), forgetting that not everyone must get married and some people will remain single for the sake of the kingdom of God.
When most of these men of God travel for ministration, even as little as a week, they go with their wives to avoid the works of the flesh so how do you cope without sex with your wife for a whole year?
You better retrace your steps by either taking your wife with you to your mission field or staying back with her at home and serving God in whatever capacity.
Don’t be one of the Christians who Jesus will deny on the judgement day in spite of your ‘sacrifices’.
Honestly, whether your wife is sleeping with someone else should be the least of your worries because the Bible clearly states that offences must come but woe unto him by which such offences come.
I wonder which kain ministry sent you to the mission field without your wife sef.
I know some japa pastors who have done this. Away from their wives for years on money getting missions in other countries, but they were mature ppl with their children already, not young couples. I believe all of them had access to intimacy wherever they went.
DeleteSpirituality has never demanded us to dishonour our marriages, even though religion, in most of its ways, seems okay with it. You appear to have forgotten you have a vow to uphold, and naively or falsely held on to your service to mission as a penance for dilating your marital woes - like a sinner who thinks that because they attend Sunday school, work in the vineyard, sing in the choir, and are ever present in almost all church activities, they are better than a roadside prostitute or pickpocket who doesn't even attend religious events.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you’re carrying a lot of unspoken fears and don’t even realise the extent of the damage. You’re not just dealing with distance - you’re dealing with disconnection. And suspicion isn’t the foundation of a healthy marriage - trust and communication are. Marriage isn’t meant to be a yearly reunion, like some random seasonal secondary school gathering or annual village age-group meeting. Right now, you and your wife sound more like familiar strangers than true partners.
You abandoned companionship, communication, and trust, yet you expect loyalty without being remorseful. What did you expect - frozen intimacy waiting for your annual return? Do you even have any idea about the state of her mind? Her mental health? The last time you saw each other, the tension was thick, intimacy was lacking, and now suspicion is creeping in. Suspicion without proof is just paranoia, and if your first instinct is to use a condom rather than rebuild connection, you already see her as an outsider. But is she really the problem, or is this marriage running on fumes?
Would I be wrong to say you are religiously egoistic and selfish? Marriage is not a part-time mission, even for a seasoned missionary - either prioritise your wife as the other half of your mission or set her free. Instead of leading with doubt and protection, lead with honesty. Drop the assumptions, meet her with openness, and talk. Does she still feel seen, valued, and connected to you? Does she know you still choose her despite the distance?
If you truly want to protect your relationship, don’t just bring a condom - bring a condomised conversation that will reinvigorate your marriage. Lay your worries on the table, listen to hers, and figure out if you’re still in this together. If the boat has sailed past its oceans, it means love is gone; be honest about it.
Be honest about where you both stand. Have the courage to face what comes next. Marriage should be more than just a part-time commitment. Don’t weaponise fidelity to cover up your own neglect. Fix it or free it, but stop pretending and putting all the blame on her when you carry a major chunk of it. Self-righteousness is a sin, and it’s smelling all over you.
All the missionaries I've seen and heard of are always with their spouses, wherever they're transferred to, where's the companionship if you people see once in a year when the Bible says the primary reason for marriage is companionship?
ReplyDeleteYou need to work on your marriage, maybe she's feeling resentment because of lack of companionship.
See, God is not even happy with you and your wife because of the way you used your hands (mindset) to destroy your marriage thinking that you are working for God. Read your bible well bro. You are even sinning against God. It can never be the will of God for couples to see each other few times in a year all in the name of working for God. I remember when apostle Paul advised people priest to marry inorder to prevent temptation but stay single if they can resist. You are married for goodness sake, who sent you to separate yourselves in different countries working for God's sake? You have yourselves to be blamed for everything o, I hope you don't blame God here. No wander they say my people perish because of lack of knowledge. You people from my understanding will go to hellfire should trumpet sound tomorrow 😁because you have redefined the institution of marriage as designed by God for couples to enjoy. Nobody will see your marriage and want to emulate it as christians because of how you have reconditioned it. I don't even want to be talk about how the separation has caused emotional, mental and spiritual detachment with time.
ReplyDeleteThe Marriage sound toxic. Both of you need to communicate more
ReplyDelete